The Executive Happiness Coach®

HSOL 216: Executive Presence is for Everyone

2023-05-24T05:00:52-04:00

Edition 216: EXECUTIVE PRESENCE IS FOR EVERYONE

MAY 2023

1,167 words of content, including tips to build a more powerful leadership presence. Approximate content reading time: 4.67 minutes. Share it with a friend who wants to grow!

This newsletter speaks to Leadership, Happiness, and Coaching in your life and work.

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I. EXECUTIVE PRESENCE: WHAT IT IS, WHY YOU WANT IT,

HOW TO HAVE IT

Photo Credit: Pexels.com

What’s Your Superpower?

Yes, it’s a great coaching question -- and I was recently challenged to answer that question about my own coaching. I was in a conference workshop with 15 minutes to discuss that concept in small groups. My assumption was that we’d all be saying the same things. True?

Sort of. Maybe. Er…no.

If you’ve been reading me for a while, you know that my response to the “what’s your coaching superpower?” includes terms like confidence, embodied presence, and positivity, right? I was delighted with the variety of responses I heard from other coaches AND I was surprised that some of my colleagues were not familiar terms like Executive Presence. If coaches don’t know this, do you?

Let’s explore this essential quality that is also part of my coaching Promise.

What is Presence, and Why Do You Want It?

In the dynamic landscape of business, where many players seek to build a solid Personal Brand and create a lasting impact, one trait stands out: Leadership Presence, aka Executive Presence*

*For the rest of this post, I’ll use the terms interchangeably, and with a reminder that I don’t believe leadership is about a title – anyone can be or become a leader who acts like one. So read on for tips on how to do that very thing!

It is a quality that goes beyond mere charisma or commanding authority. Presence is the art of projecting confidence, authenticity, and influence, enabling leaders to guide their teams towards success. In today's competitive world, cultivating a strong leadership presence is not just an option but a necessity for career advancement and organizational growth.

It's also about inspiring confidence and trust in others – confidence in your associates that you’re a good person to follow, confidence among peers that you’re capable and competent, and confidence with senior leaders that you have the potential to take on more and positively impact the organization.

Leadership Presence starts with the four domains of emotional intelligence. Self-awareness (1) allows leaders to understand their own emotions, strengths & weaknesses, and how they come across to others. From that insight, leaders can better self-manage (2) those emotions, making them more relatable and approachable and (the holy grail of leadership) authentic!

Emotional intelligence further enables leaders to empathize (3) with their team members, navigate complex situations, and build meaningful connections. These qualities are critical for influencing (4) the work of teams by fostering trust, collaboration, and a positive work culture.

Since my passion is to “help build a happier world and workplace, one leader at a time,” I spend much of my coaching time helping clients become better observers of their own emotions and thinking patterns and how those show up in behavior.

It’s how you walk, talk, sit, stand, breathe. It’s about how the atmosphere shifts when you walk into a room. It’s how you are “present” even when you are not present.

Leadership presence holds immense importance for your career growth. It sets apart high performers from the rest, paving the way for greater opportunities and advancement. When you embody a strong presence, you command respect, instill confidence, and inspire others to give their best.

Moreover, organizations that support strong, positive, executive behaviors have better outcomes, regardless of industry or geography. When you are confident and secure in your own authentic self, you hold a different space for others to show up more fully as themselves. Your presence can “infect” those around you, shaping your team’s culture and beyond.

The higher up an embodied, positive confident leader sits, the broader their impact on employee engagement, morale, and overall performance. Positive leadership presence fosters a “safer” environment where ideas and learning are freely shared, risks are taken, and innovation thrives. This can lead to improved talent retention and attraction of top talent.

If Presence is so Great, Why Doesn’t Everybody Want It?

Short answer: because Leadership is rare. The word “leader” is often applied to people who hold power. But as you’ve read here and many other places (search “manager vs leader” in your browser of choice) it’s two different domains – both necessary, in balance. In organizations where power and control are what get rewarded, that balance is absent and there is little motivation to develop leadership presence. It takes leaders to grow leaders.

Here are 11 tips to help build your leadership presence:

Cultivate self-awareness: Understand your strengths, weaknesses, and how you come across to others. If you don’t know, ask for feedback and feedforward.
Develop your emotional intelligence: Nurture emotional self-regulation, and social skills. Being attuned to others' emotions will enhance your ability to connect and influence.
Communicate with clarity: Craft concise and compelling messages that resonate with your audience. Effective communication builds trust and inspires action.
Project confidence: Stand tall, breathe deeply, maintain eye contact, and speak with conviction. A confident demeanor exudes credibility and inspires confidence in others.
Listen to others: As smart as you may be and as brilliant are your ideas, notice there are other equally bright people around you. Practice JUST LISTENING to others, without needing to correct them, offer a better idea, or prove you’re smarter.
Model calm under pressure: Be the eye, not the storm. Your ability to navigate difficulties with grace and composure inspires confidence in your leadership.
Develop a compelling personal brand: Clearly define your values, strengths, and unique qualities. Build a personal brand that aligns with your leadership style and resonates with others.
Expand your knowledge and expertise: Stay updated on industry trends, best practices, and emerging technologies. Being knowledgeable and informed enhances your credibility as a leader.
Embrace diversity and inclusion: Foster an inclusive environment that values diverse perspectives and promotes equity. Embracing diversity enhances your leadership presence by demonstrating your commitment to fairness and collaboration.
Be adaptable and agile: Embrace change and demonstrate flexibility in navigating uncertainties. Your ability to adapt and lead through change strengthens your leadership presence. When you model a growth mindset, you also encourage others to consider ongoing learning and reinvention.
Lead by example: Embody the values and behaviors you expect from others. Your actions speak louder than words and set the tone for the entire organization, whether you are part of a small team or head a huge organization. HOW you show up, your presence/behavior, speak louder than anything you say.

There are many more ways to build a powerful, positive Presence. I’ve included at least one in nearly every post I’ve ever written, and sometimes many tips, so I can personally speak to over 300 + practices. No matter where you are on your journey toward leadership/executive presence, there’s more to explore. Find what works for you and do that. And then next and next and next.

Mastery is a way to grow, not a destination.

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Remember, Leadership is not about a title: Anyone can be a leader who shows up, every day, wearing a Presence that supports and inspires others to be their best.

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II. Ad: Help Yourself, Help Another Coach?

If you are a coach on your way to an ICF ACC certification or renewal, stick with me for one more minute.

I’m working with a client in Portugal who is also a coach needing to renew her ACC credential. She’s begun working with me for the three individual mentoring sessions required, and would like to build a group with 3-4 others to spread the cost of the other seven hours by doing group sessions between now and EOM August. The cost to you could be as little as $300-700 USD, plus individual observed sessions (not required).

For more information or with questions, drop me a note and I’ll introduce you to Diana. Times would be flexible for all of us to work across time zones.

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II. The Executive Happiness Coach®

If you ever feel like you could use some support for getting where you’re going, give me a shout. Same applies if someone walks into your office and says, “hey, do you know a good coach?”

If you enjoy this message, forward or share with others. Subscribe here. Thank you!

Jim Smith, PCC, is The Executive Happiness Coach®, a global player in the space of Executive Presence, Vitality, Team Coaching, Keynote speaking, and mentor coaching.

For more tips on Leadership, Coaching, and Happiness, visit JimSmith.Coach and download my report on "The Ten Terrible Habits That Undermine Leadership...and what to do about them before time runs out."
*****************

In happiness,
Jim Smith, PCC, NCOC (TM)
The Executive Happiness Coach®

The Executive Happiness Coach®
9490 W 130th St
Cleveland OH 44136-2758
USA

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HSOL 215: Do You Believe In You?

2023-04-20T05:00:45-04:00

Edition 215: DO YOU BELIEVE IN YOU?

APRIL 2023

1,052 words of content, including tips to improve your self-talk. Content reading time: 4.21 minutes. Share it with a friend who needs to know you think they're great!

This newsletter speaks to Leadership, Happiness, and Coaching in your life and work.

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I. DO YOU BELIEVE IN YOU?

Photo by Tima from Pexels

What’s Inside Your Head?

Many of my clients begin with a goal to build a more solid leadership presence and/or to feel more confident when in meetings and making decisions. They are usually high achievers, about-to-be or recently promoted, who have outstanding track records and bright futures.

Then we start coaching and learn that behind their shiny success they struggle to cope with new demands and conflicting priorities and often get stuck in negative self-talk loops. Sometimes they give it a name: Imposter Syndrome.

Imposter what…?

A condition first named by two clinical psychologists (Clance & Imes) in 1978, Imposter Syndrome is “the condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally, despite being high-performing in external, objective ways.” This condition often results in people feeling like a “fraud” or “not authentic” and doubting their abilities.

The phenomenon was first described in professional women, but it’s a condition that men and women suffer equally. It often shows up when the new role requires skills you never needed before, yet rather than say, “I need to learn something new,” your head goes to “I should already know this!”

Imposterism versus Humility

Humility stems from an accurate assessment of your own capabilities and competencies, an acknowledgment that you cannot know and/or do everything. Imposter Syndrome, on the other hand, stems from a sense of inadequacy in an environment despite being objectively competent. It’s the sense that YOU are not enough, and you don’t belong, and believing that you are going to be exposed as a fraud at some point.

Notice that this is not about whether you are good at what you do – it’s what you believe about yourself.

Do you believe in YOU?

Belief in oneself is an essential part of living a fulfilling life. It is the foundation upon which your hopes, dreams, and aspirations are built. However, for many people, this belief has been lost over time.

At the heart of self-belief is the idea of self-esteem -- the value you place on yourself, your abilities, and your worth as a person. It is the lens through which you see yourself and the world around you. Self-esteem can be positive or negative, and it can fluctuate over time depending on your experiences and the people who surround you.

Self-esteem is nothing new.

It’s a human construct, discussed by great thinkers for millennia. For example, Aristotle believed that a person's sense of self-worth was based on their ability to achieve their goals and fulfill their potential. He argued that people who had a positive self-image were more likely to be happy and successful in life (and we still believe that today).

Similarly, the philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau believed that self-esteem was crucial for personal fulfillment. He argued that people needed to feel valued and respected by others to have a positive sense of self-worth.

However, self-belief is not just about external validation. It is also about how we see ourselves and the internal dialogue we have with ourselves. The philosopher Immanuel Kant believed that our self-esteem was based on the moral principles we hold ourselves to. He argued that people with high self-esteem were those who upheld their principles and values, even in the face of adversity.

Why is self-belief so important?

For one, it is essential for mental health and well-being. People who have a positive self-image are less likely to suffer from anxiety and depression. They are also more resilient and better able to cope with setbacks and challenges and recover more quickly when anxiety does visit them.

Self-belief is also critical for achieving our goals and ambitions. When we believe in ourselves, we are more likely to take risks, try new things, and push ourselves to succeed. We are more likely to persist in the face of failure and setbacks, as we trust in our ability to overcome them.

Moreover, self-belief is contagious. When we believe in ourselves, we inspire others to believe in themselves too. Positive attitude and confidence can be infectious, and we can help others to see their own potential and worth. This explains why most of us like to hang around with happy or confident people – we want to “catch” what they have!

I’m not gonna lie -- cultivating self-belief is not always easy. Many factors can contribute to a negative self-image, including past experiences, social pressures, toxic bosses, and internal doubts and fears. It takes time and effort to build a positive self-image and develop a strong sense of self-belief.

Tips to Believe in Yourself More

Here are five things you can do to foster stronger belief in YOU.

Focus on your strengths. Sure, sure, you have “weaknesses.” Here’s the thing – EVERYONE DOES! Let me repeat that, for those whose inner voices are screaming in denial right now: NO ONE IS GREAT AT EVERYTHING. So take time to list and appreciate what you ARE good at, and leverage that.
Acknowledge your accomplishments. Like the prior tip, it’s not how we usually do it. We focus on what’s NOT yet done. It’s worthwhile to focus forward AND why not also take a moment to appreciate what’s in your rearview mirror?!

By regularly recognizing your strengths and achievements, you can build confidence in your abilities and capabilities.

Surround yourselves with people who support and encourage you. Having a positive support network can help you see yourself in a more positive light and provide you with the motivation and encouragement you need to pursue your goals.
Corollary: you might need to jettison or reduce contact with toxic people in your orbit. Or at least stop believing everything they say to/about you (remember, toxic people are almost always telling you more about themselves than about you.)
Challenge your negative self-talk. We all have an internal voice that can be critical. It means well, and sometimes it helps drive us. But it is essential to balance negative thoughts with positive affirmations and constructive self-talk.
Finally, make it a Habit. Self-belief needs to be maintained and nurtured over time. It is not a one-time achievement but a lifelong practice.

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Remember, Leadership is not about a title: Anyone can be a leader who believes in their own capacity. Confident people find it easier to hold a safe space for others to show up as their best selves, too!

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II. The Executive Happiness Coach®

If you ever feel like you could use some support for getting where you’re going, give me a shout. Same applies if someone walks into your office and says, “hey, do you know a good coach?”

If you enjoy this message, forward or share with others. Subscribe here. Thank you!

Jim Smith, PCC, is The Executive Happiness Coach®, a global player in the space of Executive Presence, Vitality, Team Coaching, Keynote speaking, and mentor coaching.

In happiness,
Jim Smith, PCC, NCOC (TM)
The Executive Happiness Coach®

The Executive Happiness Coach®
9490 W 130th St
Cleveland OH 44136-2758
USA

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HSOL 214: ACT HAPPY WEEK, DAY 5: SELF EXPRESSION

2023-03-24T05:01:01-04:00

Edition 214: ACT HAPPY WEEK, DAY 5: Self-Expression

MARCH 2023

The focus of Act Happy Week is to educate the public about purposeful actions you can take to create chemical shifts in your body and new neural pathways in your brain to support more frequent experience of what we call Positive Emotions. When you “Act Happy” you train your mind/body/heart to find Happiness, Calm, and Resilience when you choose to visit them!

This is Day 5 (416 words of content, Reading time ~1.66 minutes)

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I. DAY 5: SELF-EXPRESSION

Self-Expression

“We define self-expression as expressing one's thoughts and feelings, and these expressions can be accomplished through words, choices or actions.” (Kim & Ko, 2007). This is an intuitive definition—self-expression is, at its core, the action of expressing yourself, and it can take a wide variety of forms.

Be the Story You Want to Tell

When I started my freelance business many years ago, I scheduled a meeting with dozens of people in my network who were already succeeding in a small business. My goal was to interview them all and capture ideas to help me succeed in my own business.

In exchange for free coffee, they were eager to share both their mistakes and their learnings. It was my first big experience of “Paying it Forward,” as most of them, when I asked how I could return the favor, said, “do this for the people who call you in the future.” (I still say Yes!)

A key theme I took from that time was this: No one wants to do business with a complainer. As one person explained, “You will attract the same energy you share. So no matter what is happening in the background, when someone asks how you’re doing, say, ‘I’m fabulous! Thanks for asking!’ “

That was 25 years ago. During my early years, and at times when cash flow was a concern, my reality was, “I’m stressed and my rent is due and I’m not sure I can cover my kid’s tuition bill and I haven’t slept well in a month and AAAHHHHHHHH!”

But what I SAID, every time, was, “I’m Fabulous! Thanks for asking! What’s up with you?” and from there every conversation buzzed with positive energy. That became part of my brand, and soon I was attracting clients who were drawn to my positivity. AND it became easier, every day, to live into the “story” I was telling.

I will always be grateful to those colleagues who encouraged me to tell a positive story, because one day I woke up and realized it was true!

I “acted” my way into feeling fabulous, every day, despite my stressors. Fabulous, generous, energetic, became my real, true, authentic self.

What’s YOUR Story?

Sometimes self-expression is who you ARE now, and sometimes it is who you want to BECOME. Either way, the story you tell – to yourself and others – can form the person you are.

Remember: you become what you do. Act Happy every day and that will become your authentic self.

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II. The Executive Happiness Coach®

If you ever feel like you could use some support for getting where you're going, give me a shout. Same applies if someone walks into your office and says, "hey, do you know a good coach?"

If you enjoy this message, forward or share with others. Subscribe here. Thank you!

Jim Smith, PCC, is The Executive Happiness Coach®, a global player in the space of Executive Presence, Resilience, Team Coaching, Keynote speaking, and mentor coaching.

For more tips on Leadership, Coaching, and Happiness, visit JimSmith.Coach and download my report on "The Ten Terrible Habits That Undermine Leadership...and what to do about them before time runs out."
*****************

In happiness,
Jim Smith, PCC, NCOC (TM)
The Executive Happiness Coach®

The Executive Happiness Coach®
9490 W 130th St
Cleveland OH 44136-2758
USA

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HSOL 213: ACT HAPPY WEEK, DAY 4: SELF TALK

2023-03-23T05:00:51-04:00

Edition 213: ACT HAPPY WEEK, DAY 4: Self-Talk

MARCH 2023

This is Day 4 (415 words of content, Reading time ~1.66 minutes)

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I. DAY 4: SELF-TALK

There’s a Voice in Your Head

Years ago a friend of mine said, “The Golden Rule is a lie!”

“What?!” was my response. “It’s a standard we’ve lived by for years! It’s a tenet that shows up in nearly every major religion and culture!”

He said, “True, AND… the Golden Rule essentially says, “treat others as you want to be treated.” Yet look at how you treat yourself. There’s a voice in your head that spends hours every day saying things like: ‘You idiot! What ARE you doing? What a yutz! I can’t believe you just did that?! What were you thinking?’ and on and on. If we spoke to others as we speak to ourselves, we’d soon be banned from every community and treated as a pariah!”

While he was dramatizing to make a point, it does feel true that we humans are often our own worst critics. That voice has good intentions – it wants us to be better, to grow, and to avoid mistakes. The impact of hearing it all day, however, can make us start to see the world through a negative lens.

Create a Different Voice through Practice

One of the most powerful exercises in Positive Psychology is a Gratitude Journal. It’s the simple practice of writing down (manually or digitally) three things for which you are grateful each day. You can start your day with it, bookmark your midday, or use it to create a positive vibe as you prepare for sleep.

When you take time to focus on what went well, people and conversations you appreciate, or simple things you noticed in your day, you strengthen your Gratitude “muscle” which is the foundation of the Joy/Happiness family of emotions. The more you deliberately focus on appreciating what happened in the past day (Gratitude), the more attuned you become to noticing and appreciating things as they happen (Happiness & Joy).

And that’s what Act Happy really means – being deliberate about being in this moment and appreciating something that is happening right now.

Practicing Gratitude helps shift your Self-Talk. Your inner voice will always be there to challenge you, of course…AND won’t it be nice to occasionally hear things like, “great job! You got this! you are awesome! I appreciate you!”

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Remember: Leadership is not about a title. Anyone can be a Leader who looks for the good and expresses appreciation for work well done. A sincere “thank you” puts fuel in the tank for the next part of the journey!

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II. The Executive Happiness Coach®

If you ever feel like you could use some support for getting where you're going, give me a shout. Same applies if someone walks into your office and says, "hey, do you know a good coach?"

If you enjoy this message, forward or share with others. Subscribe here. Thank you!

Jim Smith, PCC, is The Executive Happiness Coach®, a global player in the space of Executive Presence, Resilience, Team Coaching, Keynote speaking, and mentor coaching.

In happiness,
Jim Smith, PCC, NCOC (TM)
The Executive Happiness Coach®

The Executive Happiness Coach®
9490 W 130th St
Cleveland OH 44136-2758
USA

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HSOL 212: ACT HAPPY WEEK, DAY 3: SELF WORK

2023-03-22T05:00:56-04:00

Edition 212: ACT HAPPY WEEK, DAY 3: Self-Work

MARCH 2023

Here is Day 3 (445 words of content, Reading time ~1.78 minutes)

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I. DAY 3: SELF-WORK

What’s Your Why?

When I begin a coaching engagement or any coaching session, I ask some form of this question: For the sake of what are we talking about <this>? This is not for me as much as it is for my client – for them to get in touch with their motivation for making XYZ a goal or for wanting to work on ABC in today’s session.

For some people, coaching is a tool to help them move toward a clearly defined future. But most people, in my experience, don’t start with that clarity. They have a sense of wanting to be better in some way – more effective, more confident, more productive, for example. So that’s where we begin.

Along the way, we regularly return to underlying questions. Why do you want to improve communications? What’s underneath this? What do you really want? What does authentic mean for you?

The coaching journey supports people to ponder the deeper questions you see in the above picture, and we get into conversations about values, personal brand, life/work dynamics, and yes, even Happiness!

In case the picture is not showing, here are the Qs:

Who am I?
What brings me Joy?
What is the work I love to do?
What’s important to me?
How do I want to live?

Define What Authentic Means for You

If these questions resonate for you, do some Self-Work. Make time to answer the questions that are yet unanswered. For example:

If you don’t have written core values, create a first draft, and start using them to make important decisions.
If the person you want to be is still trying to emerge, what are one or two small habits you want to make part of your true self?
Create a list of 100 things that bring you Joy. Then ask yourself, what could I be doing to experience more of those in my life?
Be honest with yourself about the conditions of work that you want more of and consider what conversations you need to have and with whom (perhaps yourself, perhaps a boss).

When you know WHO you are and WHY you do what you do, it will be clear to you what “muscles” you need to exercise to show up stronger in the world.

From that place, it will be easier to Act Happy!

P.S. Leadership benefits from Self-Work

If you hold a Leadership role (formally or with title), it’s even more important for you to know what you stand for and why you do what you do. So challenge yourself to sit with those questions. The more “real” you are, the easier it is to show up authentically and lead.

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II. The Executive Happiness Coach®

If you ever feel like you could use some support for getting where you're going, give me a shout. Same applies if someone walks into your office and says, "hey, do you know a good coach?"

If you enjoy this message, forward or share with others. Subscribe here. Thank you!

Jim Smith, PCC, is The Executive Happiness Coach®, a global player in the space of Executive Presence, Resilience, Team Coaching, Keynote speaking, and mentor coaching.

In happiness,
Jim Smith, PCC, NCOC (TM)
The Executive Happiness Coach®

The Executive Happiness Coach®
9490 W 130th St
Cleveland OH 44136-2758
USA

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HSOL 211: ACT HAPPY WEEK, DAY 2: SELF CARE

2023-03-21T05:00:45-04:00

Edition 211: ACT HAPPY WEEK, DAY 2: Self-Care

MARCH 2023

Here is today’s offer (575 words of content, Reading time ~2.3 minutes)

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I. DAY 2: SELF-CARE

Your Body is Your Brain

If you want to have a healthy emotional life, take care of your physical health. Your physical health has a direct impact on your mental health and the emotions you can support.

It’s a mistake to believe that your smart brain is separate from your whole body. While the brain may be the control center, your entire being is connected. So it makes sense that if you want to support more positive thoughts and feelings, you need to give some love to the vehicle that carries your brain around all day!

Pay Attention to the Big Five

When you feel good physically, it's easier to act happy. Conversely, when you feel groggy or bloated or numb in your body, it’s easier to act irritated, impatient, or some other emotion supported by stress.

Here are the big five factors that impact your wellbeing:

Adequate, good quality sleep. My health mentor calls sleep, “the Mother of Health.” Everyone’s body has different needs, but most adults require 7-9 hours of sleep each night and many of us get less than that. If you’re regularly under-slept, your body shows up every morning already carrying stress. Find one thing you can improve – shut down technology & media a bit earlier, start a bedtime routine so your body knows when to sleep, or try listening to a bedtime “story” or soothing soundtrack from an app.

Food Choice and Portion Control. It’s less about what you eat and more about how much or how often. When what you eat causes your body to feel bloated or stressed a few hours later, try reducing or removing that from your plate. You might experiment with new foods, or with the time(s) of day when you eat to see if different eating patterns can help you feel less stressed.

Eliminate Toxins. Of course tobacco, drugs, and alcohol are the headliners here, but anything you take into your body or mind in excess can stomp on your happiness, from snack foods to YouTube. Some can be fun and even beneficial (e.g. coffee or dark chocolate) but too much and you end up jittery, unfocused, sleepy, or angry. Pay attention for a day or two and you’ll probably notice your own patterns.

Move Your Body. Every study ever done on health reminds us that our body likes to move, and when it does move everything gets better – our mood, our energy, our capacity to think, and even our resistance to germs and degenerative diseases of the brain! And recent studies have shown that as little as eleven minutes a day of movement can make a big difference in our wellbeing.

Manage Your Stress. Stress is complicated. Positive stress helps create structure in our lives and get things done. But too much stress, over a long time, will literally start to break down the body and make Happiness a distant and foreign emotion. Interestingly, each of the first four factors can contribute to stress levels AND can be complicated by unmanaged stress.

The good news is that even small reductions in stress can help you. So take a breath, take a walk, take a nap, and notice that even if your stressors don't disappear, setting down your cares for a few minutes increases your capacity to deal with them when you return.

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Start with You. It's easier to Act Happy when your whole self – body, heart, and brain – feels well and healthy.
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II. The Executive Happiness Coach®

If you ever feel like you could use some support for getting where you're going, give me a shout. Same applies if someone walks into your office and says, "hey, do you know a good coach?"

If you enjoy this message, forward or share with others. Subscribe here. Thank you!

Jim Smith, PCC, is The Executive Happiness Coach®, a global player in the space of Executive Presence, Resilience, Team Coaching, Keynote speaking, and mentor coaching.

In happiness,
Jim Smith, PCC, NCOC (TM)
The Executive Happiness Coach®

The Executive Happiness Coach®
9490 W 130th St
Cleveland OH 44136-2758
USA

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HSOL 210: ACT HAPPY WEEK, DAY 1: SELF AWARENESS

2023-03-20T05:01:07-04:00

Edition 210: ACT HAPPY WEEK, DAY 1: Self-Awareness

MARCH 2023

This is Day 1 (537 words of content, Reading time ~2.15 minutes)

Act Happy Week has been a thing since 2004, embracing The United Nations’ International Day of Happiness on March 20. Every day this week I will offer a new tool or coaching perspective to support you on your journey of Happiness and Leadership.

My theme this year is Self. Today is about Self-Awareness. In sequence we’ll visit Self-Care, Self-Work, Self-Talk, and Self-Expression.

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I. DAY 1: SELF-AWARENESS

Where Are You Now?

To plan a journey (figuratively and literally) you must answer two questions: where are you going AND where are you starting? From that place you can review available paths and possibilities.

People who are NOT self-aware can end up stumbling through challenges like a proverbial “bull in a china shop,” creating hurt, chaos, or mistakes not from intent but because they are blind to how they operate in the world. For example, they may lack good listening skills, make criminal promises, practice habits that annoy others, or ignore their own anger issues.

Self-awareness does not make you perfect, but as you become more aware of who and what you are in any moment, you increase capacity to make a CHOICE about what you think, feel, or do next. And, if you make a mistake or choose poorly, you are more likely to learn from any situation.

Increase Awareness Through Mindfulness

mind·ful·ness/ˈmīn(d)f(ə)lnəs/ noun. 1. the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something. 2. a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations.

Mindfulness is the practice of being present and aware in the moment. By practicing mindfulness, you can learn to quiet your mind, notice yourself and the world around you and make more purposeful choices – about everything – the thoughts you’re thinking, the emotions you are feeling, the actions you take.

When you behave with intention, you reduce stress and anxiety. This can help you act happy and maintain – or shift into -- a positive attitude, even in challenging situations.

Exercise

Meditation is one form of mindfulness, but for those of us (including me!) who have discovered sitting still for 20 minutes is neither enjoyable nor possible, trust you can build self-awareness in tiny bits as part of your daily activities. Here’s how:

Be. Here. Now.

In any busy day, you keep moving forward -- every hour, every minute, every moment. A practice of mindfulness invites you to pause and be IN a moment versus passing THROUGH them all.

Here are seven ideas you can integrate into your life without any special training, location, ambience, or outfit required!

While in a meeting (virtual or in-person), think about your feet.
At a red traffic signal, breathe in and out through your lower back.
While eating dinner, close your eyes and savor a forkful as you chew it.
Follow one stream of water from when the shower hits your head till it flows off your toes.
When your phone rings, sit/stand tall as you answer it.
After any conversation ask yourself, “what emotion(s) am I feeling right now?”
Eat a snack one chip, one spoonful, or one popcorn kernel at a time.

Mindfulness builds the skill of self-awareness, which strengthens your capacity to choose what happens next – calm, patience, even Happiness!

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Remember, Leadership is not about a title: Anyone can be a leader who is self-aware and able to calibrate their mood/emotion in the moment.

Bonus: Mindful leaders find it easier to access humility, creating a space where everyone can show up with their own flaws and gifts and feel respected for what they contribute to the team.

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II. The Executive Happiness Coach®

If you ever feel like you could use some support for getting where you're going, give me a shout. Same applies if someone walks into your office and says, "hey, do you know a good coach?"

If you enjoy this message, forward or share with others. Subscribe here. Thank you!

Jim Smith, PCC, is The Executive Happiness Coach®, a global player in the space of Executive Presence, Resilience, Team Coaching, Keynote speaking, and mentor coaching.

In happiness,
Jim Smith, PCC, NCOC (TM)
The Executive Happiness Coach®

The Executive Happiness Coach®
9490 W 130th St
Cleveland OH 44136-2758
USA

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HSOL 209: DO YOU TRY OR DO YOU DO?

2022-04-20T06:01:09-04:00

Edition 209: DO YOU TRY OR DO YOU DO?

APRIL 2022

1,979 words of content, including the “secrets” to powerful goals and tips to build resilience in your head, heart, and body. Approximate content reading time: 7.92 minutes. I know it’s long, but it’s important. Read it or unsubscribe, your choice. Isn’t your Happiness worth it?

This newsletter speaks to Leadership, Happiness, and Coaching in your life and work.

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I. LISTEN TO THE LANGUAGE OF YOUR GOALS

Twins separated at birth. Great Shoes!

When I was 28 years old, I was a wreck – overweight, out of shape, borderline high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and near-zero capacity for handling stress – and heart issues.

Shortly after being released from the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit where I was monitored and prodded to learn the reason for my heart attack, I wrote some new goals for my pathetic self.

One of them was aspirational, assuming I would live a long life (which was highly in doubt at that time). My doctor told me my waistline was heading in the wrong direction (bigger!) and that inspired me to write:

“I wear the same size suit at age 66 as I wore at age 22.”

In my mind, that was my peak physical age. I’d been a competitive swimmer in high school and university, so from when I was 18 till 22, I routinely swam 10-12 miles/day in double workouts.

I wrote many new intentions and goals at that time, but this was the only one that had an expiration date, a specific future birthday when I must declare success or failure.

In the above photo you see me in the first suit I ever owned, aged 18 and heading to my senior prom. Many suits later, you see the current version of me.

Same. Size. Suit. Success!

Mind you, I'm showing you the end point. There were ups and downs along the way as my commitment and attention wavered (+/- 23 pounds/ 10.5 kg).

What Made It Work?

I am powerfully aware of two factors that help me succeed: regular attention, and positive language.

My first success “secret” has been regular attention and monitoring. When I write a goal and let it sit in a folder for a year, guess what happens? Nothing happens. Nada.

I pay the most attention to what matters the most. My top four Core Values are Happiness, Love, Health, Creativity.

~To nurture Creativity, I read widely and often, travel to new places, experiment a lot, and regularly practice Yes, And… in my conversations -- every client learns this, eventually!

~To live the value of Love, I practiced by saying, “I love you” -- out loud, every day -- to my kids growing up. I still do that with Cheryl daily, my family when I can, and even with myself. Yes, Love is an emotion AND Love is a verb, it’s something to DO, every day.

~For Happiness, I regularly write down what I’m grateful for, I keep a Joy List, I journal something positive every day, and every time my Mindfulness Bell app chimes, I pause to sit/stand back and take a deep, deep breathe, so my mind/body/heart all know how to find calm and happy.

~Health. For nearly fifteen years I’ve tracked my daily activity time in four categories (cardio, weights, yoga, dancing) and every morning I weigh myself. Some consider me obsessive. I’m just leaning into how I work: major change is tough and tiny calibrations are way easier. If my weight pops up, I eat less or work out more for two days to rebalance. If I’m doing well, there’s room for extra chocolate. I’m just sayin’…

Listen to the Language of Your Goals

The second secret to my success is in the language. In my personal goals document, none of the following words appear: want, need, should, not, stop, try, or will. Instead, the document is filled with phrases like I am, I have, I feel, I make, and other action verbs.

When you say, “I want…” or “I need…” you are stating a Wish or Desire, not a goal. "I want to be a better communicator” feels noble, but so what? There’s nothing in that statement to move you forward. It’s no more powerful than saying, “I want to fly to Mars.”
When you say, “I should…” you name a standard to which you aspire, but that’s not a goal. “I should be a better listener.” How true. Shouldn’t we all?
When your goal statement includes Not or Stop, notice that what you really do is point your attention to the thing you seek to move away from, versus pointing to your goal. For example, “I will not eat cake!” What are you thinking about now? See my point?
When you say, “I will…” notice how you give yourself permission to put it off, e.g. “I will… sometime…. tomorrow… when I’m not busy or stressed or distracted.” Yeh, like that’s gonna happen!
The worst sort of self-deceiving goal starts with “I will try…” Yoda had the best comeback to that phrasing when he said, “No! Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no Try.” When you promise to ‘Try’ you assume failure and you sap your goal of its life force. If your goal is “I will try to save more money” and you get to year-end with zero in savings, you can always say, “Well, I tried!” ‘Try’ promises effort but not outcomes.

Give your Goals POWER!

When you declare a goal or intention, make it a statement -- as though it is already true. Follow the Three P’s in writing your goal:

Personal — write it in the first person, as an “I” statement, so when you say it out loud, you own it in your head, your heart, your body.
Positive — focus on what you DO want (versus what you’re wanting to stop or lose).
Present — use language that contains present-tense action verbs, as though the goal has already been attained

Then engage the fourth P: Practice. Imagine and enjoy the feeling of reaching your goal. Consciously engage in the action of the goal every day. Regularly review your intention, say it out loud, and notice how powerfully you feel the DISCONNECT when what you Say and what you Do are out of alignment.

Let that sense of disconnection drive you to behave according to your goal, versus behaving out of habit. NOTE: this is a slower process than a Makeover or a crash diet, but will in the end yield more permanent shifts in your patterns of thinking, feeling, acting, and leading.

To help your thinking, here are 9 examples from recent client conversations:

I listen fully to the other person when I am in a conversation.
I communicate—out loud—what I am thinking in meetings.
When an important decision must be made, I ask everyone on my team to share their thinking before we finalize.
I forgive myself. I forgive others.
I am what I eat. My body is a machine that I fuel properly so I can feel well and live fully.
I have at least three feedback conversations every day with someone on the team. I balance appreciative and growth.
I let go of the stuff I do not use.
I move my body every day.
Every day, I do something that makes me a little bit uncomfortable and stretches my limits.

Do This for Yourself

A) If you have no written goals/intentions, start with just one. Choose an area of your life or work where it will make a big impact if you show up differently. B) If you already have many goals (which are not working for you), revise them through the filter of the 3Ps.
Tweak the language until your goals read as Personal, Present, and Positive declarations.
Speak out loud your new goal declaration. Do it in front of a mirror or a witness. If it does not resonate within you, keep tweaking the language until it does.
Practice regularly—speak the declaration, take tiny actions every day, and make your intention part of what you do and who you are.

Following these guidelines is what helped me achieve a 38-year-old goal. That’s Powerful!

Remember, Leadership is not about a title: Anyone can be a leader who helps others create powerful, positive, personal, practical goals!

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II: Only Read This If You Want to Feel Better About Yourself

Do You Bounce?

My focus is helping you build awareness, strength, and resilience in the emotional domain. In that context, resilience is, “the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.”

We often call that the ability or capacity to “bounce back” from adversity, however you define that.

The more physically focused meaning of resilience is, “the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.”

Last week (on my birthday, no less!) The Universe decided to test my capacity for the latter version. I did a Coach Walk with a colleague on a trail in our Cleveland Metroparks. We had a great conversation and a vigorous workout on a chilly spring morning. As we crossed the road returning to the parking area, a car appeared around a corner and we both hopped into a jog to move more quickly.

As we did so, my foot caught on the back of his heel. We both stumbled and I went down hard in the gravel on the side of the road, where I executed a perfect four-point landing: left hand, right hand, shoulder, and face. Ouch!

My favorite pair of Warby Parker glasses were destroyed, but not before saving my eye from harm, thankfully. (You can see my sad face here https://www.instagram.com/p/CcTUtlpJi8J/.)

I had bloody abrasions across my face, hands, knees, shoulder… and ego, I suppose. But no interior damage, and while I was shaken, with every passing second after the fall I felt more and more grateful that I was able to slam down that hard and still bounce back.

I remember learning from my work with elder care systems (aka nursing homes) that, while most people survive falls/falling down, the resulting broken bones or bruising often lead to strict bed rest for a time. Bed-ridden muscles atrophy, and many elders never recover the muscle strength or balance they had before, leading to a steep downward spiral in health and wellbeing.

You Can “Bounce” in All Domains

This leads to a Health and Wellness reminder this month: While you work on your Gratitude Journal and Joy List practices to nurture emotional resilience, give priority also to moving your body and balance and weight-bearing activities to keep your bones and muscles as strong as possible for as long as possible.

AND lest you sit smugly in your 30-40-or 50-something-year-old body thinking, “he’s not talking to me,” I want to assure you that I absolutely am!

Emotional, intellectual, and physical muscles all work the same way – Use It or Lose It.

Head: Working your brain (learning, reading, conversations, solving problems… even Wordle!) keeps your neurons popping and staves off all manner of brain afflictions
Heart: Practicing mindfulness, writing your joys and gratitudes, saying Thank You often, and deep breathing on purpose all strengthen your capacity to find light in the darkness and calm in the chaos of life.
Body: Keep it moving. Parking at the farthest point in the lot, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, squatting or sitting down on the floor to talk to kids or pets, or even pretending the curb is a balance beam you must negotiate on your way into the building are activities you can integrate into your daily chores to keep your body strong, flexible, and balanced.

What you do today, tomorrow, and next week will pay off down the road.

So, what’s next?

Now that I met my “same size suit” goal, what’s next? No worries. Last week a friend shared some “old people yoga” pictures, and I discovered Tao Porchon-Lynch, who, until just weeks before she died at age 100, was still teaching five yoga classes a week. She appeared in an Athleta ad at age 98 (watch the 2-min video – wow!).

That’s my new declaration. I can perform shoulder stand, plow, and crow (sarvangasana, halasana, kakasana) in my 90s. Woot!

What’s your aspirational goal?

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You can apply the 13 Principles of Happiness to all three domains to live a happier, stronger, more flexible life. Principles 1, 5, 7 & 12 feel especially relevant to this topic. Post a summary of The 13 Principles of Happiness on your reminder wall and apply one or two new ideas to your self-care this month!

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III. The Executive Happiness Coach ®

Hey, if you ever feel like you could use some support for getting where you’re going, give me a shout. Same applies if someone walks into your office and says, “hey, do you know a good coach?”

If you enjoy this message, forward or share with others. Thank you!

Jim Smith, PCC, is The Executive Happiness Coach®, a global player in the space of Executive Presence, Vitality, Team Coaching, Keynote speaking, and mentor coaching.

HSOL 208: ACT HAPPY WEEK, DAY 5: STILLNESS

2022-03-25T06:02:26-04:00

Edition 208: ACT HAPPY WEEK, DAY 5: STILLNESS

MARCH 2022

The focus of Act Happy Week is to educate the public about purposeful actions you can take to create chemical shifts in your body that drive Positive Emotions. Here is today’s offer (485 words of content, Reading time ~1.9 minutes):

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I. DAY 5: STILLNESS

Photo credit: Jim Smith, from our front porch 2021

Let's talk about Stress

Do Rainbows make you smile? Me, too. But first, imagine the above arc represents the Inverted U of Stress. Across the bottom is stress level, the left side represents productivity.

Stress is positive in periodic doses – a project deadline kicks up your productivity; new demands drive creative bursts; passion for a job keeps you engaged; hunger gets you into the kitchen to cook. As you move up the stress curve (left to right), productivity and motivation increase UNTIL… you hit your maximum stress capacity.

From there additional stress becomes DIStress. Productivity, creativity, and engagement decrease. Stress held too long affects your emotional resiliency (burnout) and your physical wellbeing. Stress is a healthcare issue, too!

The good news: Did you know that 100% of stress is self-created? Everything that happens in the world is neutral; nothing “out there” creates your stress. It’s the STORY you tell yourself about it that generates a stress/fear response. You make a mistake (neutral fact) and you wallow in regret or self-criticism long after the event occurs. Or you fret, worry, or freeze up over some future event that’s not yet real and/or you cannot control.

Most stress occurs when you “time travel” like that – living in the past or future in your head, telling yourself a disaster story that is either history or fiction.

How Mindfulness Reduces Stress

Mindfulness | mīndfəlnəs | noun | a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations.

Mindfulness includes any practice in which you focus on NOW and noticing, without judgment, what is (vs. what was or what might be). Meditation is the rock star of mindfulness, but there are many more-accessible forms, e.g., walking in nature, watching children at play, doing yoga, cooking, or eating a meal slowly and with full attention.

The simplest form of mindfulness is something you’re already doing, all the time: Breathing. Let’s demonstrate.

I invite you to follow your next two breaths in and out. If it helps, look at that lovely rainbow as you breathe. [I’ll wait…]

What happened in those few seconds? If you are like most humans, you took a deeper breath than in the moment before you paid attention, on purpose. And in that moment of paying attention to your breath, where were your thoughts? On your breathing, right? Which is only happening Now. You briefly stopped time traveling.

And while you were paying attention to only Now, just your Breath, what happened to your stress? You set it down for a minute. You gave your system a break and let a tiny bit of your stress go.

Repeat daily. Your stress won’t disappear, but you may find it easier to carry. Enjoy.

Remember to keep dancing with whatever shows up in your life and say “thank you” to The Universe at least once a day.

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II. The Executive Happiness Coach®

If you ever feel like you could use some support for getting where you're going, give me a shout. Same applies if someone walks into your office and says, "hey, do you know a good coach?"

If you enjoy this message, forward or share with others. Subscribe here. Thank you!

Jim Smith, PCC, is The Executive Happiness Coach®, a global player in the space of Executive Presence, Vitality, Team Coaching, Keynote speaking, and mentor coaching.

HSOL 207: ACT HAPPY WEEK, DAY 4: AGILITY

2022-03-24T06:01:37-04:00

Edition 207: ACT HAPPY WEEK, DAY 4: AGILITY

MARCH 2022

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I. ACT HAPPY WEEK, DAY 4: AGILITY

Photo Credit: Emma’s Birthday, because what 4-year-old does not want a rainbow fruit tray?

AGILITY: The ability to move quickly and easily

Consider the rainbow fruit tray above. Do you like all these fruits equally? If the tray contained some vegetables, would your choices shift? What about proteins or carbs?

Most of us have foods we like more than others (*cough chocolate cough*) and some we avoid. Sometimes we eat for joy and other times to support good health. One of the simplest approaches to healthy, well-balanced nutrition is to eat a rainbow every day.

That same concept of agility offers many benefits for our physical and emotional selves.

Athletes who hyper-train only one set of muscles soon learn that does not convert to overall athleticism. A competitive footballer (“soccer” to my US readers) must be able to run fast, jump high, and change direction quickly and often, and all those require a solid core and an agile body. The footballer trains by running, cycling, lifting weights, and through flexibility and bodyweight routines – mixes it up, in other words, to support agility in the game.

In my own fitness journey, muscle confusion** is a helpful philosophy. I have regular routines (yoga, cycling, walking, bodyweight drills) that I mix up by occasionally swimming laps, working with resistance straps, or attending a class like Orange Theory for HIIT (high intensity interval training). Moving between these forms nurtures my body‘s capacity for switching up as needed – climbing stairs, mucking the pond, running to my car in the rain, or rolling on the floor with Emma, the 4-your-old whose fruit tray is pictured above.

What’s This Got To Do With Happiness?

Humans are capable of a thousand nuanced emotions, yet most people only “exercise” a handful. Sometimes we need a broader range. On any given day you might have to navigate the sorrow from hearing a friend’s loved one died, the irritation from sitting in traffic, the stress of new workload, the joy of celebrating your cousin’s engagement, the panic from learning your taxes will be audited – and that’s before breakfast!

Emotional Agility comes from nurturing your capacity to experience different emotional states and move fluidly between them to support you and those around you, whatever life sends your way. If your baseline mood is more glum or serious, you might find bright moments difficult; likewise, if you only practice gratitude in a bubble, you can feel paralyzed when you need to access courage for a tough conversation or confidence for a presentation.

Just as experts in nutrition will say, “eat a rainbow,” and in fitness say, “mix up your routines,” I say, “live a rainbow of emotions” by stepping into new, strange, or uncomfortable situations to expand your emotional range and agility.

Remember: Leadership is not about a title. Anyone can be a Leader who nurtures their capacity to move fluidly between strong emotional states and choose the one most appropriate for the moment.

**Muscle Confusion: the concept is to vary your training regimens to keep them fresh and avoid plateaus.

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II. The Executive Happiness Coach®

If you ever feel like you could use some support for getting where you're going, give me a shout. Same applies if someone walks into your office and says, "hey, do you know a good coach?"

If you enjoy this message, forward or share with others. Subscribe here. Thank you!

Jim Smith, PCC, is The Executive Happiness Coach®, a global player in the space of Executive Presence, Vitality, Team Coaching, Keynote speaking, and mentor coaching.