Happiness@TheSpeed of Light: You Are a Gift

Published: Wed, 12/16/09

December 2009

You Are a Gift

1,936 words of content including over a dozen powerful practices and ideas to help you enjoy the holiday season more. Approximate reading time required: 7.74 minutes. And isn't your Happiness worth it?

Welcome to my e-newsletter, which focuses on defining and applying the Principles of Happiness and Positive Emotion in your life and work.

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In This Issue

You Are a Gift
In The Workplace: It's More Fun To Give
Commerce Division: Many Small Steps
Wedding Update - Planning a Gift
Contact or Connect

I. You Are a Gift

The theme for this month's edition was first inspired by portions of a newsletter I received two weeks ago from Roy Williams, the Wizard of Ads®. Roy publishes the "Monday Morning Memo," an eclectic publication that is rarely predictable and always provocative. Here's a portion of what intrigued me. Ray speaks of Going Home for the Holidays:

We go home with an idealized memory of a place where everyone listens and cares and loves us for who we are, a place where we're known and everything is okay.

And what we find when we get there is our family. We're never quite prepared for the selfishness of Carol, the laziness of Lee, the assertiveness of Sarah and the insensitivity of Bob. And Gary, well, he's just a jackass.

[...predictably...] clinical psychologists see a spike in requests for counseling [depression] right after the holidays. [shouldn't holidays lead to the opposite? We can only wish. But here's a thought: ] : "The opposite of depression isn't 'Yippee!' The opposite of depression is gratitude."

So this year I have a plan: Rather than trying to have a good Christmas, I'm going to make sure that everyone around me has one. My plan is to be silently thankful. Constantly, consciously thankful.

I'm going to see past Carol's selfishness and like her anyway. I'm going to accommodate the laziness of Lee. l plan to submit to the assertiveness of Sarah and understand the insensitivity of Bob. I'm even going to seek out Gary and show an interest in whatever he wants to talk about.

If my plan is to serve rather than be served, and to give understanding rather than receive it, how can I be disappointed?

Are these things in my nature? No. Not at all. Might I crash and burn? Absolutely.

I love how Roy decided that, rather than focusing on what others can do for him, he will focus on what he can do for others -- how he can BE A GIFT to everyone else.

HOW Might You Be a Gift?

The first step may be the hardest (I'm just sayin'...): You'll have to let go of your 'story' that the purpose of the gathering is to provide you with entertainment, dining, and relaxation. Oh, those may occur (or not), yet recognize that there are many reasons people are there, and most of those reasons have nothing to do with you. Some are there out of excitement, some curiosity, and some obligation. And most of them, whether they admit it or not, probably carry a little bit of nervousness about the whole affair.

Step two, then, is to engage people in conversation and find out what's going on with them. Let their story be their story -- you don't have to agree with it or like it, just listen.

Step three is to not impose your story on anyone. Don't ask John and Sue when they're gonna get engaged, even though they've been dating for five years -- they're sick of that. Don't make jokes about how much gangly Sally has grown, since she's already dealing with enough just being 13. In fact, avoid judging anyone, unless it's a compliment. For just the one day, let go of assessing and make it your mission to spread joy.

WHY Be a Gift to Others?

What's in it for you to be a Gift to others? Less stress, perhaps. Along with less anger, less resentment, less depression. And more peace, laughter, gratitude, and moments of happiness and joy.

So here's the formula to Be a Gift: Show Up Fully + Listen + Be Nice = Happier Holidays

Will this be easy for you? Maybe not. It may be the hardest thing you've done this year, to be a Gift to others. While it may take some work, I promise you'll have a more positive experience, and so will all those you touch.

Ways to Practice Being a Gift

Here are a few small ways you can practice 'being a gift' to others in advance of the big family gatherings that will occur between now and the celebration of New Year's Day:

Practice patience. Be kind and patient with a stressed-out retail clerk.
Practice positivity. Tell someone who looks tired, "you look fabulous!" and watch them perk up.
Practice generosity. Volunteer some time to help someone in need.
Practice supportiveness. Offer to babysit for a young mom so she can shop without hassle for an afternoon
Practice relationships. Play a game of imagination with a child (no electronics).
Practice compassion. Call ahead to a senior center, and tell them you'd like to visit with one or two people who have no one.
Practice tolerance. Reach out to a relative you're nervous about seeing, and write/say, 'I look forward to seeing you soon!'
Practice listening. Have lunch with a coworker you don't know well, and make it your mission to learn at least three new things about them.

Start with a few small actions, and by the time your big events arrive, you'll be ready to embrace your role as a Gift to others. Enjoy!

"This year, give your kids more Presence, not more Presents." ~seen on a parenting website.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The 13 Principles of Happiness offer many strategies for living life as a Gift:

#3, Live for Life, not Stuff, reminds us that relationships trump material goods every time;
#7, Choose to Respond, is all about your decision to show up in charge of you versus as a victim;
#9, Pay Attention, reminds us to Look, Listen, Notice; and
#13, Be Authentic is about showing up as who you are versus pretending you're something else (and I know you're really a nice person when you choose to be!)

Why not post a copy of the original 13 Principles on your workstation wall or on your refrigerator? You can download a 1-page summary here:
http://www.theexecutivehappinesscoach.com/happiness/
philosophies.cfm. Choose Happiness.

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II. In the Workplace: It's More Fun to Give

I belong to a local association of small business owners (coaches and consultants) who meet monthly to network, learn together, and share business ideas. Every December our monthly meeting moves to a restaurant for breakfast, and we do a Book Exchange.

The idea is that everyone shows up with a gift-wrapped book -- it can be new or used -- that has meaning for them. After everyone takes a package from the gift table, we have a ritual -- one person opens their package and then the person who gifted it stands up and tells us the story of why they chose that book. Sometimes the story is about lessons learned, sometimes it's about how the book touched them, the effect it had on a client, etc. All the stories are wonderful.

After the story's over, the gifter is supposed to become the giftee and open their own package, which will trigger someone else to stand and tell a story, and so on around the room.

Here's the thing: most of the time the storyteller sits down, all flushed with excitement and... and nothing. The rest of the group has to remind them that it's their turn to open their package.

It's really fun to watch. Truth is, most people get far MORE excited watching the face of the recipient as the gift gets opened and as they tell the story about the book than they ever do about opening their own package. The GIVING generates far more passion than the receiving.

And isn't that a great way to be?

Remember: Leadership is not about a title. Anyone can be a leader who spends more time excited for the success and learning of others than they do about themselves!

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III. Commerce Division - Taking Many Small Steps

Since last month, when I declared that I am incompetent in the realm of Completions, I've gotten some great coaching and ideas to help me make progress in the world of e-commerce.

Last month, I had only one product online: my book Happiness At The Speed of Life: 13 Powerful Strategies for Finding Happiness At Home And On The Job (available at www.HappinessAtTheSpeedofLife.com). Creating this book and setting up online sale was a big step...that took lots of tiny steps to achieve.

After another series of small steps, I'm nearly ready to announce a new addition to my offerings I've partnered with Skip Weisman of WeismanSuccessResources.com, the creator of "Champion Organizations" and a fabulous leadership coach based in downstate New York to produce a dynamic audio training series for leaders.

If you are a small business owner, middle manager, or frontline supervisor and you want to lower stress, reduce conflict in the workplace, be more relaxed, and have happier more productive people, then you should pay close attention to this new program.

Watch this space for a January introduction of The Leadership Series.

2010: Creating More Happy Conversation

I've committed to you, my readers, that this newsletter will always focus on value and not become 'too salesy' or clog up your mailbox with stuff you don't want. However, I have also heard from some of you that you'd like to be in the happiness conversation more than once a month.

I'm happy to announce that early next year I will roll out other ways to 'get into the happiness conversation.' I will invite many of you to join a separate list that will provide more frequent, much shorter messages, along with invitations to be the first to try out some new products or ideas, and tell me what you think. Watch this space for more news and the invitation.

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IV. Wedding Update: Planning a Gift

Justin and Katie completed their move to Chicago this month, and while they continue to plan their May wedding, their primary focus is and will continue to be Establishing Roots. This means, primarily, serious attention to their careers.

Katie aspires to be a writer and performer in the world of comedy and Improv. This is a tough industry to break into, and as she gets her portfolio out there for a 'real' opportunity, she is working in retail to keep her schedule flexible enough to fit in auditions and interviews. Justin, meanwhile, plans to continue working in the hospitality industry while he studies for the GMATs and prepares to return to school for his MBA. They spend a lot of time focused on cash flow.

In that context, they declared that they were not going to take a honeymoon, in order to conserve their funds in the short term. While applauding this as a fabulously responsible and fiscally conservative decision... some in the family felt sad about it. My daughter and son-in-law approached Cheryl and I about helping to 'sponsor' a honeymoon. Interesting idea. We agreed to participate in this gift.

So over the past few weeks my son-in-law, Paul, has spent many hours researching possibilities and discussing them with us. Paul, a fabulous researcher, has a true gift for finding amazing deals on - well, on just about anything. And his skills really paid off on this honeymoon plan.

Here's the thing, though - it's a SECRET! That's right: Justin and Katie will not know where they are going on their honeymoon until just before they leave. And since they both read this newsletter, I can't talk about how cool it's going to be! All they are allowed to know is that it will be somewhere south of Chicago, it will be warm, and that it would be a good idea to pack their passports.

This is gonna be a really fun gift to give

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V. Contact or Connect

Jim Smith, The Executive Happiness Coach(R) Jim Smith, PCC, is The Executive Happiness Coach®. He is an executive and life coach, international speaker, and author. Jim provides inspiration and practical tools to help people build happier lives and build more positive work cultures.