Happiness@TheSpeed of Light: Love, You

Published: Wed, 02/17/10

February 2010

Love, You

1,692 words of content including eleven practices to increase your leadership presence. Approximate reading time required: 6.77 minutes. And isn't your Happiness worth it?

Welcome to my e-newsletter, which focuses on defining and applying the Principles of Happiness and Positive Emotion in your life and work.

If you received this from a friend, I invite you to SUBSCRIBE to get your own copy in the future.

In This Issue

Love, You
In The Workplace: Declare Satisfaction
Wedding Update: It's All Online
Commerce Division
Contact or Connect

I. Love, You

You are receiving this newsletter just a few days after the annual love-fest of chocolate, jewelry, and greeting cards, commonly known in the United States as Valentine's Day.

Valentine's Day encourages us to turn our thoughts to the important Others in our life, the people we love. Clearly, it's important to acknowledge the loves in your life, but--what about you?

In my work as a coach I see as many different concerns as I have clients, and I also see many concerns that are quite common--the human issues. One of those is a struggle with self-acceptance and self-love.

We know ourselves better than anyone in the world... and darn it if we don't notice every single wart and flaw and imperfection. I find it almost universally true that there's no one who can beat you up quite as thoroughly as...You.

I'd love to see a holiday that's about self-acceptance and self-appreciation. That might be asking a bit too much of the U.S. Congress right now (they appear to be quite busy enough, thank you). Meanwhile, I offer the following ideas to help you practice some powerful self-love.

Tips for Loving You

Identify, Acknowledge, and Appreciate Your Strengths & Gifts. WRITE DOWN a list of your positive attributes. What do you do well? What do others compliment you for? Are you thoughtful? Creative? Always there to help? A good cook? Analytical? Playful? Detail-focused? Flexible? A great planner? Putting it on paper makes it more real. Review that list on a regular basis to appreciate all that you are and all that you offer.
Embrace Your Imperfection. Love your quirks. Let yourself laugh at your mistakes--they are part of your continual learning. Remember that you are a Human Being, and as such you are always a work in process. Frankly, if you were Perfect you'd be boring.
Be a Good Steward of You. Take care of what you've been entrusted. Put good food into your body, and move it regularly to keep it healthy. Feed your mind to keep it sharp. Seek out and associate with positive people to help your emotional self grow and expand. Seek to maximize what you have.
Treat You As Well As You Treat Others. Would you ever speak like that to your friend, child, etc. Why say that stuff to yourself? Notice and shift your self-talk to provide a good balance of compliments (you rock!) with critical (need to work on that!).
Connect to Community. We are most human when we are in relationships with others. List all your connections: friends, family, coworkers, church/temple, professional circles, neighbors, etc. Every day, reach out and have a conversation in which you connect to someone.
Feed Your Soul. We cannot manage time; we can only manage how we use it. Give priority each week to at least one activity that nurtures you and fills you up. If it's alone time you need, figure out how to turn off your mobile devices or have someone else take the kids. If it's connection time you need, make sure you leave space for some face-to-face time.
Forgive You. Ok, so you've screwed up some stuff. Accept it, figure out what you learned (it's called Wisdom) and then...let it go. When you forgive you don't forget, but you DO say, "I'm not going to keep living this over and over in my head."
Give Yourself Permission... to love you. You are SO worthy of love. If you don't believe me, then please re-read the fabulous, famous, and inspiring passage from Marianne Williamson, below.**
Let Other People Love You. For some people it is easier to give love and affection than to receive it. Notice when people are offering you respect, connection, and affection... and take a moment to just breathe it in and accept it graciously. When you let others love you, you are honoring both you and them.
Say It Out Loud. Stand in front of a mirror, and notice the beautiful person smiling back at you. Say, "I Love You," out loud. Say, "You're fantastic! You rock!" Note: if your self-love muscle is atrophied, you may have to move up to this gradually. If you need to, start with "I like you" and skip the mirror. Work your way up from there. Repeat daily until it feels natural, and notice how your world shifts.
Get Yourself a Coach. Any or all of the above will be much easier if you enlist someone to support you and provide encouragement--a friend, partner, or coworker (or even a professional coach!)

** "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
~ from A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The 13 Principles of Happiness are all about Loving Yourself! Why not post a copy of the original 13 Principles on your workstation wall or on your refrigerator? You can download a 1-page summary here:
http://www.theexecutivehappinesscoach.com/happiness/
philosophies.cfm. Choose Happiness.

Return to Top

II. In the Workplace: Declare Satisfaction

The expectations in Corporate America just keep rising. You must move faster, jump higher, and do more with less. Downtime, at one time revered as a thing we called a "break"--a necessary time for rest and renewal--is now considered "waste."

So we have environments where, when people complete a project, the first conversation is, "congratulations. Here's more work." And the second conversation is, "Here's what's wrong. Fix it fast." Yuck.

With a constant focus on insufficiency and breakdowns, organizations essentially train the workforce to only see what's wrong. This strategy may get more work done in the short run, but over time it breaks connection with organization and the leader. Why would an employee stay long-term with a broken organization?

What's a leader to do? Declare your Satisfaction. Allow for a moment of contentment, of appreciation, a moment for those others to feel sufficient, enough, and complete.

People will work really hard for a leader or a team that provides those feelings. This is one of the reasons why giving people control of their jobs is so important--so that they get to say, "I did this. I accomplished this." No matter if the job is small or large, just that it is an aspect of complete. And that you show up and say, "I'm satisfied. That is what we agreed you should do. Thanks. I appreciate you. I am glad you're here. I appreciate your contribution. It matters that you are here."

Think about it...

Remember: Leadership is not about a title. Anyone can be a leader who creates the space for those around them to feel whole and complete (and loved!)

Return to Top

III. Wedding Update: It's All Online

There was no wedding update last month. There appeared to be no activity to write about. And in that silent space, my wife started to make up a story about what was NOT happening, and started to worry that there was a breakdown in the process.

Mothers do this sort of thing, yes?

Much to her joy (and admit it--surprise!), it turned out that there had been a lot of activity behind the scenes. A week ago the invitations were mailed--a month EARLY! And there's now a robust wedding website, detailing all things Justin and Katie. They've planned all the details for a fun-filled Memorial Day weekend in Chicago for their wedding celebration: a Photo Tour of the city, a Cubs game, a group outing to see their favorite Improv show, a listing of their favorite restaurants for dinner, and a wedding party-party-good-time on Sunday evening.

Their wedding invitation was simple--a lovely photo card invitation with the date, and a small business card requesting they visit the website for all details and to RSVP.

I thought it was a great blend of Traditional and Millennial--a hard-copy, ground mail invitation, blended with electronic response and one-stop online links to everything needed to plan the weekend.

Of course, Aunt Helen, who is 91 years old and has never touched a computer, got a "manual package." Technology may be the future, but family is still family!

Return to Top

IV. Shameless Commerce Division

The Leadership Series. Be sure to take a look at this dynamic audio training series for leaders. If you are a small business owner, middle manager, or frontline supervisor and you want to lower stress, reduce conflict in the workplace, be more relaxed, and have happier more productive people, then consider an investment in this low-cost, high-value program.

This program is the solution to your problems if you've ever thought any of the following: "Nobody's ever told me." "I was promoted into this job and I'm supposed to know what I'm doing but I've been given no training." "I'm an entrepreneur not a leader." "The only stuff I know is what I learned from watching my own manager and they're not that good either."

Visit here to learn more: http://www.achievemomentumnow.com/leadershipjim/.

Buy the book: Happiness At The Speed of Life: 13 Powerful Strategies for Finding Happiness at Home and on the Job.

Creating More Happy Conversation. Final reminder that you will shortly receive an invitation to the Happiness Conversation list. If you want to come along, you'll need to register for the other list. This newsletter will remain as a monthly publication only.

Return to Top

V. Contact or Connect

Jim Smith, The Executive Happiness Coach(R) Jim Smith, PCC, is The Executive Happiness Coach®. He is an executive and life coach, international speaker, and author. Jim provides inspiration and practical tools to help people build happier lives and build more positive work cultures.