Happiness@TheSpeed of Light: Speak The Truth, Start The Conversation
Published: Wed, 08/18/10
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Speak The Truth, Start The Conversation |
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1,746 words of content including three conversations that will help you get out of overwhelm. Approximate reading time required: 6.98 minutes. And isn't your Happiness worth it? Welcome to my e-newsletter, which focuses on defining and applying the Principles of Happiness and Positive Emotion in your life and work. If you received this from a friend, SUBSCRIBE Now to get your own copy in the future. |
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Last month's edition, You Can't Change Other People, was about ways you can shift a conversation by changing how you respond to the other person. But here's the thing--you must first START the conversation! {{NOTE: before you read more, please pause for a moment and recall a subject that you need to speak with someone about--personally or professionally--but that you've been avoiding, because it's going to be an uncomfortable conversation. Imagine that issue, as you read the rest of this article.}} Happiness Principle #11 says, Speak The Truth. Stop playing games. Recognize that though the truth may sometimes sting, it is the starting place for all progress. Challenge yourself and others to see the truth. First, a distinction: TELLING the truth is about being honest when you communicate. SPEAKING the truth goes a level deeper in that it compels you to actually say what you are thinking, even if what you have to say is unpopular or will be met with resistance. How often do you experience regret, frustration, or lack of progress because you did not speak up? Have you ever found yourself in a difficult situation because you had earlier avoided saying what needed to be said? Certainly, much of the world's UNhappiness comes out of conversations that are poorly handled by one or both parties. But my experience--in life and in the world of Work--has shown me that most people, once they are actually talking with one another, can make progress. The real culprit is the Absence of conversation: the conversations that are put off or avoided, or the conversations where the REAL issue never comes up. For example, politicians do this all the time; they avoid speaking the truth, in favor of double-speak that pleases no one yet irritates no one--and look at where that's gotten us! A Missing Conversation rarely gets you anywhere. In the absence of conversation, human beings make up stories about what they think is really happening. People get stressed out worrying about what's NOT being addressed. People lose their connection to others, and start to imagine the worst. And if YOU are the one who is avoiding conversation, you get stressed out. You worry about someone else bringing up the subject. You make up your own stories about how people would react IF you told the truth. You get upset with other people because they don't bring up the subject, first. And after awhile, the things you hold inside of you start to eat away at you, clawing to get out. And the harder you try to shove down the truth, the more you end up walking around in anxiety, fear, anger, sadness, and resentment. Ouch! Conversation is one of the most human and affirmative things you can do. Think about it--the worst punishment mankind has ever invented is solitary confinement--the elimination of conversation. So please, don't inflict it on yourself! Sometimes, a subject is very sensitive and you know that it will provoke an emotional response. OK... that's a good reason to prepare yourself and maybe even rehearse the conversation with a friend or colleague. But how will never having it be better? Part of happiness is accepting where you are--and where others are--at any point in time. One of my favorite definitions of Happiness is wanting what you have. If what you Have is a difficult situation, a sensitive issue, then you can choose to either hold it in and avoid speaking about it (see above for the consequences of that strategy!) OR you can choose to embrace your role, prepare yourself, take a breath, and dive in. And notice how, once you've had the conversation, everyone usually feels better! By the way: it is about telling YOURSELF the truth, as well. Having trouble meeting a goal? Engaging in personal habits that aren't serving you? Putting off an important project? Sometimes, you need to have a good conversation with YOURSELF in order to feel better and get yourself on a better path. Or at least get yourself into motion, which is nearly always better than apathy or paralysis. Bottom line: We don't miss truth because truth is difficult to see. It is quite visible. We miss it because it is more comfortable (in the short term) to pretend it is not there. In the long run, speaking the truth frees up trapped energy, releases negative emotions, and opens up the space for more happiness and resolution to emerge. So please, Start the Conversation! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Speaking of Conversation: Why not post a copy of the 13 Principles on your workstation wall or on your refrigerator? Then when people stop by, you can engage them in a conversation about happiness! You can download a 1-page summary here:
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A few weeks ago I delivered a presentation on Leadership Mistakes at an HR conference. One of the terrible leadership habits I outlined was "Living in Constant Crisis Mode." I described this bad habit in terms of leaders who let their never-ending task lists control them rather than managing their time to spend more of it on what they say is important, like people, strategy, growing the business, etc. One brave woman in the audience challenged me with a question: "What if I really DO have too much on my plate and I simply cannot make the time to spend on this other stuff, Jim?" At the time I said something about challenging your own belief that there's nothing you can do, blah, blah, blah. I was dissatisfied with my response. I continued to think about this woman's very common concern of "Too Much To Do." Truth is, many of you DO work in understaffed situations, expectations are high, and the TASKS that need done can feel overwhelming. I still believe that if you want to behave like a leader, you must step back and examine all the assumptions you are holding about your work. First, do your due diligence. Make sure you've captured all your deliverables in one place, and give each of them a priority and an estimated time to complete. Sometimes, just writing things down helps you to self-organize and reallocate your time. Next, try renegotiating any deliverables with your boss or other "customers," e.g. confirm priorities, check that the scope you agreed to is still required, etc. Simple adjustments to deadlines can sometimes give you all the space you need to get back in control. Example of renegotiating: I had a client who processed every email he received immediately (hundreds, daily), because he'd once seen his boss dress down a peer for not responding quickly enough. This habit meant that he never left his office! I challenged Shawn to explore his assumptions. A short conversation with his boss led to agreement that 24-hour response was sufficient. When Shawn started doing his email just twice a day, he cut his processing time in half and freed up two hours a day to spend on the floor with his team! Let's assume you've taken those two steps, and you still feel overwhelmed. Then, I suggest, you consider which of the following three conversations might be missing.
Remember: Leadership is not about a title. Anyone can be a leader who speaks the truth and steps bravely into the missing conversations, and says what needs to be said, for the good of all. |
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Back at the old Smith homestead, seems we've spent the past year always counting up or counting down to something or other. We've tracked the days till our last tuition payment, our final college graduation, my son's wedding, and our vacation; and now we're tracking the weeks of gestation as my daughter prepares to give birth next month. Here's a conversation I have mixed feelings about: "You're going to be a grandfather." I am very excited about the birth of my first grandchild in four weeks...AND I'm struggling to understand how I could be as old as... a grandparent! Well, if it's true that kids keep you young, then I suppose grandchildren have the same effect. So I may be aging, but I've decided I'm getting YOUNGER next year. |
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Though school begins soon, it's still summer. If you take your vacation time later in the year, there's still time to benefit from Jim's 11th annual Summer Reading List. Go to |
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I have helped thousands of leaders and business owners just like you to increase effectiveness at work AND live a happier, more balanced life. I invite you to contact me for a free Leadership Strategy Session to learn how you can create a less-stress leadership presence. Reach me directly: Jim@TheExecutiveHappinessCoach.com or +1-440-885-3247. All things Happiness Coach: Blog: www.LifeWithHappiness.com. Ask me a question on LinkedIn, Friend me on Facebook, or Follow me on Twitter.    
 
View past editions at http://www.TheExecutiveHappinessCoach.com/newsletter/archives.cfm. To change your name or e-mail address, click the link at the bottom of this e-mail, then click Change Options. Want to Receive Happiness? http://www.TheExecutiveHappinessCoach.com/subscribe/subscribe.cfm Drop me a line anytime with your feedback and queries! Jim * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Happiness is a decision,
not an event.
How will YOU decide
today?
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Copyright © 2010, All Rights Reserved. Reproduction for publication is
encouraged, with the following attribution: "From HAPPINESS@THESPEEDOFLIFE,
by Jim Smith, PCC, The Executive Happiness Coach®,
440-885-3247 or www.TheExecutiveHappinessCoach.com. Join the Happiness Conversation at www.LifeWithHappiness.com."
If you choose to do otherwise, I will be very unhappy. |
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Hi, I'm Jim Smith, PCC, The Executive Happiness Coach®. I work with smart, successful people like you, who secretly struggle with overwhelm, negative self-talk, and fear of more success. I help you become a better leader by "holding up a mirror" to show you where you are now, helping you paint a clear picture of a better future, and then supporting you as you build powerful new behaviors that transform how you "show up" in your life and work. You will achieve more clarity, build broader leadership skills, and expand your capacity to LEAD your life on a MUCH bigger stage!