Happiness@TheSpeed of Light: Are You Scared of Being Happy?

Published: Wed, 10/20/10

October 2010

Are You Scared of Being Happy?

1,671 words of content including at least 13 ideas for making Happiness less scary! Approximate reading time required: 6.68 minutes. And isn't your Happiness worth it?

Welcome to my e-newsletter, which focuses on defining and applying the Principles of Happiness and Positive Emotion in your life and work.

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In This Issue

Are You Scared of Being Happy?
In The Workplace: Leaders Foster Happiness
Eat, Sleep, Poop
Shameless Commerce Division
Contact

I. Are You Scared of Being Happy?

Each year on October 31, Americans celebrate Halloween by dressing in costumes, exchanging candy and, most of all, scaring each other. The usual candidates for fright include Ghosts, Monsters, Zombies, crawly things, and Vampires.

Believe it or not, Happiness frightens some people more than giant spiders. In honor of Halloween, I've assembled a list of stories people tell when they try to resist the conversation about Happiness. As you'll see, while these myths can feel as scary as any monster, in the end they are only as "real" as vampires and zombies.

Thirteen Scary Stories About Happiness

Fiction: I'm too stressed, I'm too busy, and I have too many things going on in my life to be happy. It's too much work to be happy, and I don't have time or the energy.

Fact: Yes, living in more positive emotional states can take some work. The paradox, of course, is that when you carve out some time for happy-making pursuits, your burdens feel lighter, even if they don't go away. You see, happier people don't have less work or problems in their life, but they are more resilient and are able to handle more stressful events before they reach their limit.
Fiction: I can't. He/She/They won't let me be happy.

Fact: YOU have the final decision about your happiness. As Viktor Frankl, a survivor of the Auschwitz death camp, wrote, "everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms--to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." Frankl reminds us that even if we are completely under another's control, we still own our mind and have the power to choose our attitude.
Fiction: It doesn't belong in the business world. Many people fear that talking about emotions--their own or their employees'--is not a "real" business concern.

Fact: That mindset is SO last Millennium! It's now been 11 years since the Gallup organization, in their groundbreaking book, First, Break All The Rules, presented irrefutable evidence that engaged (a politically correct code word for Happy) employees are more productive, have better tenure and attendance, and contribute more to organizational success than their DISengaged (aka UNhappy) coworkers.

Numerous other workplace studies have proven that those who report feeling happier at work are more creative, healthier, and actually have fewer on-the-job accidents and make fewer errors. And all that profit-making behavior is very important to business!
Fiction: People will mock me and call me names, like Pollyanna. They will say my attitude is unrealistic.

Fact: The stereotype of Pollyanna (a book and movie character) gets applied to people who others assess as "unrealistically optimistic." Most people forget that at the end of the story, Pollyanna proved that your expectations tend to create your outcomes. A line from the book reads, "When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will" and of course the opposite, as well. So, why NOT have positive expectations? Even if you are occasionally wrong, the journey's a lot more fun.
Fiction: It won't last (so why bother?).

Fact: This one is true--Happiness won't last. But then, neither will sadness, anger, fear, or any other normal emotion. Happiness is a great place to visit, and I hope you get there often. Yet every emotion has a purpose, and you want to visit those emotions when they will serve you better. (Tip: try to visit Happiness daily, to keep in practice!)
Fiction: My enemies (or boss, or rivals) will think I'm weak. I'll get hurt.

Fact: The emotional family to which Happiness belongs is a very grounded and solid one. Active practice of the positive emotions like joy, confidence, forgiveness, hope, enthusiasm, ambition, and gratitude actually make you incredibly strong.
Fiction: I'm not ready to be happy yet. I'm poor. Unemployed. Sick. I can't be happy until...I get out of school, get married, get divorced, have kids, the kids move out, I get a promotion, I get a job, I lose weight, etc, etc.

Fact: No matter what your circumstances, you can experience moments of happiness and contentment if (the big IF) you give yourself permission. Tal Ben-Shahar, author of Happier reminds us, "Attaining lasting happiness requires that we enjoy the journey on our way toward a destination we deem valuable." Don't make your happiness conditional based on some future event occurring...what if you never get there? The trick, you see, is to enjoy the journey itself.
Fiction: I don't "do" emotional. It's not macho. I'm not a touchy-feely person.

Fact: This is the biggest myth of all. You're human, and as such you are always in some emotional state (even calm and numb are emotions!). Your comfort with emotions may be affected by your gender, cultural and family background, and context (e.g. work or home). When you pay attention to your emotions, you gain more control over them, which helps you grow stronger in your own life and in your relationships.
Fiction: My life has been full of suffering. It's too late for me to be happy.

Fact: Lifelong cigarette smokers who quit soon learn that their body can heal. Just as it's never too late to quit smoking, it's never too late to practice living in a positive emotional state. Start small, with a daily gratitude practice to rebuild your emotional muscles. In a short time you'll be amazed at how much lost ground you can make up.
Fiction: I don't know how (to be happy).

Fact: Of course you do--it's part of the human software. Even little babies know how to experience quiet contentment, happiness, joy, and curiosity. Still, if you've not used that program in awhile, it may be in storage at the back of your brain. Activate it, and the first thing you'll notice is a suggestion to stand taller, breathe deeply and on purpose, and smile with intention. Fake it... your system will remember the rest.
Fiction: It's disrespectful to be happy when so much unhappiness exists in the world.

Fact: The worldview offered by the media is a hyper-narrow window on the evil, catastrophe, and breakdowns that affect a relatively small percentage of us. Outside of active war zones, the vast majority of people--regardless of circumstances--claim to be happy most of the time. To shift your own worldview, Google "good news" or subscribe to http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/, where the daily headlines will warm your heart.
Fiction: I want more from life; if I'm happy, I'll stop trying.

Fact: Happiness is not an emotion that demands exclusivity. You can be happy (wanting what you have) and simultaneously feel ambition and desire for a better future
Fiction: Smiling hurts my face. Yes, I've actually had people say this to me. Could it be true?

Fact: An old urban legend claims that it takes more muscles to frown than to smile. While this makes a great story, we don't know for sure. See http://www.snopes.com/science/smile.asp for a serious analysis of this claim.

What we DO know is that human beings serve as mirrors to each other's emotions. We return smiles without realizing it, and we automatically downshift our mood when we encounter someone who is sad or upset. Even a baby, shown a picture of a smiling face or a frowning face, will eventually shift mood to match the face.

We also know that we can shift our OWN mood by changing what we wear on our face. So frankly, even if smiling really DOES make your face hurt, try it anyway. I promise that within a few minutes your heart and the rest of your body will feel lighter and your pain will diminish!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The 13 Principles of Happiness can help you overcome some of these scary stories. Check them out at http://www.theexecutivehappinesscoach.com/happiness/ philosophies.cfm, where you can also download a colorful 1-page PDF Poster. Post it on your workplace wall or your fridge at home, and notice how often it comes in handy for coaching yourself or others to Choose Happiness.

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II. In the Workplace: Leaders Foster Happiness

I used to consider it my sacred duty to "educate" others about the benefits of building a more positive workplace. I've given up that particular mission. I've come to accept that those (excuse my labels) Neanderthal managers who still fiercely hold to a 1950s version of organizations as the ultimate the zero-sum game (i.e. if the employees benefit, the organization loses) are not my target clients. They will, like the dinosaurs, eventually die out.

My focus today is to provide support to those who "get" that happy, engaged people make for better business, and who want to become extraordinary leaders. Great leaders realize the importance of starting with self, then working to foster positive relationships that nurture employee engagement.

So, for those who want to continue building the leadership link between positive emotion and the workplace, refer back to Myths 3, 6, 8 & 12, with a little bit of 13 for good measure (like, smiling when you walk the halls!)

Remember: Leadership is not about a title. Anyone can be a leader who seeks to create a positive environment, and who believes that happiness impacts the bottom line!

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III. Eat, Sleep, Poop

Our first grandchild arrived on Tuesday, 21-September at 11:56, at 9# 3oz (4,175g) and 21.5 inches. His name is Jonathan Wesley Gibson.

This photographer does beautiful work, yes?

I was the eldest of eight kids, so I'm pretty comfortable around babies, but I'd forgotten how really simple their lives are. Eat, sleep, poop, repeat. What a life!

Although I've been apprehensive about the Title of "grandpa" I am delighted with the role. On Sunday evening I got to give him his bath. While he squirmed and squealed a great deal, it was so worth it to just sit and smell his sweet little baby-ness.

That was a very happy moment!

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IV. Shameless Commerce Division

Start your holiday shopping early: Over 110 practices for building your Positive Emotional muscles, plus dozens of practices specifically for the workplace: Happiness At The Speed of Life: 13 Powerful Strategies for Finding Happiness at Home and on the Job.
A mini-MBA in a box! The Leadership Series: If you are a small business owner, middle manager, or frontline supervisor and you want to lower stress, reduce conflict in the workplace, be more relaxed, and have happier more productive people, this low-cost, high-value program is for you. It includes nearly a full day of workshops with two leadership experts. Visit http://www.achievemomentumnow.com/leadershipjim/ to download the audio or order the seven-CD series in hard copy.

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V. Contact

Jim Smith, The Executive Happiness Coach(R) Hi, I'm Jim Smith, PCC, The Executive Happiness Coach®. I work with smart, successful people like you, who secretly struggle with overwhelm, negative self-talk, and fear of more success. I help you become a better leader by "holding up a mirror" to show you where you are now, helping you paint a clear picture of a better future, and then supporting you as you build powerful new behaviors that transform how you "show up" in your life and work. You will achieve more clarity, build broader leadership skills, and expand your capacity to LEAD your life on a MUCH bigger stage!

I have helped thousands of leaders and business owners just like you to increase effectiveness at work AND live a happier, more balanced life. I invite you to contact me for a free Leadership Strategy Session to learn how you can create a less-stress leadership presence.

Reach me directly: Jim@TheExecutiveHappinessCoach.com or +1-440-885-3247.

All things Happiness Coach:

Blog: www.LifeWithHappiness.com. Ask me a question on LinkedIn, Friend me on Facebook, or Follow me on Twitter.