Happiness@TheSpeedofLife: Things That Make You Go, “Ugh!”
Published: Wed, 09/21/11
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Things That Make You Go, "Ugh!" |
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1,227 words of content including a tool to restore your lost energy and four words you should not tolerate in the workplace. Approximate reading time required: 4.91 minutes. And isn't your Happiness worth it? Welcome to my e-newsletter, which focuses on defining and applying the Principles of Happiness and Positive Emotion in your life and work. If you received this from a friend, SUBSCRIBE now to get your own copy in the future. |
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Do you have things or situations in your life that cause you to go, "ugh!"? I call them Tolerations - things you "put up with" in your life. Because they are often small and invisible, they create stress without your awareness; they drain your energy.
When I introduce people to the concept of Tolerations they often list issues they are tolerating, but then they get overwhelmed when they consider how much WORK it's going to take to address them. No. Stop. It doesn't have to be about you changing them - it's about you changing YOU, which is a lot easier. Here's the thing: people are people, and situations are situations. They are neither good nor bad, hard nor easy. It is your ASSESSMENT of a person or situation that creates your stress, and many times the easiest way to reduce your stress is to change the story you tell yourself. Example: For several years, my gym time overlapped with that of a guy I'll call "Greg." Greg worked out six days a week, and was in superb physical condition, via swimming, weights, and cardio work. AND Greg was a neat freak/germophobe. Each time I crossed his path he would comment on a leaky sink, the odor in the bathroom, insufficient hot water in the showers, etc, etc. I regularly agreed with him, and we'd have a little pity party... And I would leave the gym feeling stressed and a little down. What Greg said was true - stuff wasn't working. Also true: this was a 60-year-old YMCA building, and Greg issues were related to the aging facilities. One day this situation came up in my tolerations work, and I realized I was whining. So I adjusted my thinking and my behavior. In working on myself, I also became aware of what Greg was doing. So I asked him, "If you have so many problems with the place, why do you keep working out here?" Greg looked at me with surprise. His first reaction was, "I've been coming here for years!" and I came back with, "So have I, Greg... and I cannot think of a time when these were not issues. You are arguing with reality. Do you realize that you are tolerating these conditions?" "Tolerating?" I explained what I meant, and he pondered that as he dressed and left. I never saw Greg again at the YMCA. However, we traveled in overlapping business circles, and two months later I saw him at a networking event. He came over to shake my hand and said, "You were right. I obsessed about that place, and yet I had the power to change the situation all along. I found another gym that I like better. Thank you for showing me that I was putting up with the situation. It was not them that needed to change - it was me!" And that's the point of Tolerations. If you are unaware of something that is draining you, it will continue to Zap your energy. The tolerations exercise gives you the opportunity to say, "that bugs me," out loud, and really acknowledge it. Once you do that, you have choices that you did NOT have when it was invisible to you. You can CHOOSE to remain and whine about it, OR...you can choose to take action, make a plan, make a request of someone else, or even... ...change your thinking about it. Note the contrast between how Greg and I experienced the same reality - shower facilities occasionally smelled and needed constant repair:
Notice that what changed in both situations was US - first, awareness, then making a new choice. Do This For Yourself
What are you tolerating? Download the complete exercise here. If you removed a few tolerations, how much better might you feel? Think about it. Less burdens to carry. More energy and capacity to focus on what's important. More space to feel happiness and contentment rather than the anxiety and stuckness that often accompany tolerations. And who doesn't want to be happier? Visit http://www.theexecutivehappinesscoach.com/resources/articles/HP06-TolerateNothing.pdf for complete instructions and a Tolerations worksheet. Drop me a note to tell me what YOU notice when you acknowledge your tolerations. I look forward to hearing how it goes for you.
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The 13 Principles of Happiness provide powerful ideas to help you live a less-stressed life. Visit http://www.theexecutivehappinesscoach.com/happiness/ philosophies.cfm to download a 1-page PDF Poster. Post it at work or home and strive to practice one principle each day! |
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We CHOSE different, yet equally effective paths: I let go of the toleration by changing my story, while Greg eliminated the toleration by changing his environment. |
I consistently earn some of the highest ratings among all speakers at conferences, corporate events, and professional association meetings - because I mix value with fun! Since 1999, I have delivered hundreds of talks to business audiences on three continents, many times to Standing Room Only crowds! My programs on Leadership, Trust, Coaching, and Happiness are filled with stories and activities that leave participants thinking and behaving in new ways. As you plan your year-end events, visit the Services page on my website to review our offerings. If you are a reader of this newsletter and mention you sourced me from this article, I'll knock 10% off my usual fee as a Thank You. Most importantly, engage The Executive Happiness Coach® for your next employee event or leadership retreat and your TEAM will thank you! |
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Here are four words that you should not tolerate in the workplace: FAKE - this is toxic for a leader. If you do not show up in an Authentic way, people will sense it. Be genuine. FEAR - when we are uncomfortable, we tend to withdraw. Leaders must step into the DIScomfort of difficult conversations, doing what is right in the face of their fear. FINE - is the enemy of great. When someone tells you they are "fine," sit down and find out what's wrong, or what you can do to help them move forward. If the project status is "fine," seek what will make it fabulous or excellent! FAIL - if you cannot tolerate failure, you stifle learning. Give permission - to self and others - to fail forward. Remember, Leadership is not about a title: Anyone can be a leader who refuses to accept from their teammates anything less than their best - and who allows people to fail as part of the learning process! |
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I have helped thousands of leaders and business owners just like you to increase effectiveness at work AND live a happier, more balanced life. I invite you to contact me for a free Leadership Strategy Session to learn how you can create a less-stress leadership presence. Reach me directly: Jim@TheExecutiveHappinessCoach.com or +1-440-885-3247. If you received this from a friend, SUBSCRIBE now to get your own copy in the future. All things Happiness Coach: Blog: www.LifeWithHappiness.com. Ask me a question on LinkedIn, Friend me on Facebook, or Follow me on Twitter.    
 
View past editions at http://www.TheExecutiveHappinessCoach.com/newsletter/archives.cfm. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Happiness is a decision,
not an event.
How will YOU decide
today?
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Copyright © 2011, All Rights Reserved. Reproduction for publication is
encouraged, with the following attribution: "From HAPPINESS@THESPEEDOFLIFE,
by Jim Smith, PCC, The Executive Happiness Coach®,
440-885-3247 or www.TheExecutiveHappinessCoach.com. Join the Happiness Conversation at www.LifeWithHappiness.com."
If you choose to do otherwise, I will be very unhappy. |
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Hi, I'm Jim Smith, PCC, The Executive Happiness Coach®. I work with smart, successful people like you, who secretly struggle with overwhelm and fear that you won't have what it takes to succeed at the next level. I help you expand awareness of your strengths and limits, explore new paths to effectiveness, then support you as you build powerful new behaviors that transform how you "show up" in your life and work. You will achieve more clarity, build broader leadership skills, and expand your capacity to LEAD your life on a MUCH bigger stage!