Happiness@TheSpeedofLife: How to Live in the Paradox

Published: Wed, 07/18/12



July 2012

How to Live in the Paradox

943 words of content including a powerful physical exercise to access your personal power. Approximate reading time: 3.77 minutes. And isn't your Happiness worth it?

Welcome to my e-newsletter, which focuses on defining and applying the Principles of Happiness and Positive Emotion in your life and work.

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In This Issue
  1. How To Live In the Paradox of Happiness
  2. In the Workplace: The Paradox of Leadership
  3. About the Coach

I. How To Live In the Paradox of Happiness

A paradox occurs when two things that appear opposite are put together. Take Strength and Vulnerability, as an example:

Strong: having 1. bodily or muscular power. 2. mental power, force, or vigor. 3. moral power, firmness, or courage. 4. power by reason of influence, authority, resources, numbers, etc.

Vul·ner·a·ble:1. capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt; 2. open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.

On the surface, these appear to belong to different worlds, right? Let's try something in your body. I invite you to actually do the following 2-step exercise before you read more of this newsletter:

DO THIS NOW:
  1. Without changing anything, just notice how you are sitting or standing in this moment.
  2. As you sit or stand, plant both feet flat on the floor at shoulder width.
  3. Elongate your spine upward until you feel at your maximum height. (Imagine a thread tied to the crown of your head, pulling you upward.)
  4. Notice how this simple shift - accessing your full height - automatically ignites a feeling of strength in you. Notice how your breath naturally drops lower in your body and your center of gravity moves down to ground you. In this body, you have the most access to personal power (no matter your height or shape or demographic).
  5. AND...

  6. Notice how, at the same time you access your full power and height, your shoulders open up and drop back, exposing your heart and your belly to predators.

Yes, even as you "wear" your strongest, confident self, you are simultaneously at your most open and vulnerable.

This, then, is the paradox of Happiness - at the moments you are most connected and engaged and content and holding your personal power, you are also the most vulnerable and open to attack, to having your hopes dashed, to having your heart broken.

And that is why happiness must be a conscious decision. The moment you declare you are happy, you open yourself to the possibility of UNhappiness. The moment you declare yourself to be in control, you tempt the Universe to toss a hand grenade into your beautifully organized life.

What is the alternative? To hunker down. To never expose yourself. To protect your heart by closing it off. To never take risks. To never declare satisfaction or contentment.

If you never open up, you can't be hurt, right? Perhaps. Yet it also means you never stand tall, you cannot completely connect to your full strength, you can never win big because you only play "small."

PUTTING MYSELF OUT THERE

Last week I took a big risk for me. As a requirement for a personal development program I'm taking, I created and ran a public workshop in which I invited people to engage in movement and dance as a way to connect to the wisdom of their bodies. Some of the people who showed up were there because they love to dance already. But many of the participants admitted to feeling very exposed, very vulnerable, and way out of their comfort zone.

It went fabulously well (whew!). Because we each chose to open ourselves up to an alien and possibly embarrassing experience, through the paradox of happiness we discovered new strengths and new tools that will support us in our life and work.

EXERCISE: HOW DO YOU SHOW UP IN THE WORLD?

For a day or a week, pay attention to what happens in your body and your brain when you encounter a situation you consider risky or with the potential to cause you harm. It might be a meeting at work, a coworker or neighbor who creates discomfort in you, or an encounter with a stranger or a new project or technology. Any of these can create a 'fear response' in you and cause a closing down that shows up in your body - and subsequently, your thinking.

When you notice this sensation, repeat the exercise detailed in the top of this newsletter: plant your feet, access your full height. Notice how, when you intentionally open yourself up you also access a different power and strength - both non-verbally and mentally.

Then take note of how differently that situation plays out, when you leverage the paradox of happiness.

 

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The 13 Principles of Happiness provide more ideas for living in the paradox of Happiness. Download a copy to post at your desk or on your fridge at home.

 

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II. In the Workplace: The Paradox of Leadership

As you move up in an organization, it is like you are climbing a mountain - the higher you go, the better the view and the larger the domain you command.

AND... the more exposed you become, thus making a better target for snipers.

That is the paradox of leadership. The higher you go, the more people watch everything you do or say. The best leaders are those who are open, communicative, and who allow themselves to be seen as human.

That means you must be willing to admit your flaws and weaknesses, and recognize that only when you do so can you ALSO access your full power as a leader.

How to do that? Let's go back to the body. Scroll back up to the main article and re-read it, only this time substitute LEADERSHIP for happiness or strength. The meaning will shift, but the practice remains the same.

Strength and Vulnerability exist on the same continuum, and show up in the same body.

Remember, Leadership is not about a title: Anyone can be a leader who can say, "I made a mistake," or "I don't know" and still exude confidence in the ability of the TEAM to address the problem.

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III. About the Coach

Jim Smith, The Executive Happiness Coach(R) Hi, I'm Jim Smith, PCC, The Executive Happiness Coach®. I work with smart, successful people like you, who secretly struggle with stress and overwhelm as you strive to succeed at the next level. I help you become a better leader AND dump the stress.

I have helped thousands of leaders and business owners just like you to increase effectiveness at work AND live a happier, more balanced life. Contact me to learn how you can create a less-stress leadership presence.

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All things Happiness Coach:

Blog: www.LifeWithHappiness.com. Connect on LinkedIn, Facebook.

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Happiness is a decision, not an event.
How will YOU decide today?
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