1,650 words of content including 19 ways you might be messing up your Happiness. Approximate reading time: 6.6 minutes. And isn't your Happiness worth it?

Welcome to my e-newsletter, which focuses on defining and applying the Principles of Happiness and Positive Emotion in your life and work.

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1. Guaranteed Ways to Mess Up Your Happiness
2. An Invitation to Global Happiness
3. In the Workplace: Don't Mess With What Works
4. Who? What?

The world often places obstacles on our path to happiness in life and work. But you know what? We often do a lot more to mess up our own happiness. I see this in my coaching clients all the time.

Often the conversation about "what's getting in the way of achieving your goals?" starts with the Blame Game: my boss won't..., my spouse doesn't..., my family is..., and so on. Sometimes all that venting about the world being unfair or "that person" being difficult / stubborn / evil offers short-term relief. Anyone who's been a client of mine for more than five minutes knows that, once the venting is done, I'm going to say, "Let's bring it back to you."

You can't change other people, so you have to work on you. You are 50% of every conversation, so let's notice what you're doing and saying. You are the person who chooses your words, puts the food in your mouth, makes the decision to act - or not - so let's look at the stories you tell yourself or the behaviors you keep repeating that get in your way.

And when you step into self-examination, what you will find is that you are REALLY good at messing up your own happiness. I've compiled a list of over 100 ways people get in their own way, and offer here some of the most common. As you read, I invite you to keep track of which patterns show up in your own life.

1. Losing before you start: This shows up in your self-talk, e.g. I'm not good enough. I'm not worthy. I'm not pretty enough. I'm too stupid to deserve to be happy. I can't...<whatever>. I suck at <that>. Looking for reasons you won't succeed.
2. Believing the Good Stuff is always temporary. This is too good to be true. This is too good to last. That time I succeeded - that was a fluke. I shouldn't be so happy because something bad is bound to happen.
3. Never exposing you. Nobody knows the real me - if they did they wouldn't like me. I shouldn't extend myself too much because I'll get hurt. You can't trust anybody. Others will judge me.
4. Assuming you will always be how you've always been. I can't escape from my past. It is too hard for me to change. I have created my mess; I will just have to live with it. Nothing good ever happens for me.
5. Making excuses. I'm too tired. I'm too busy. I don't feel very well. I don't feel good.
6. ALWAYS taking care of everybody else first. All I do is make sure everyone else's needs are met; no one cares about what I want, what I need. I will disappoint family / friends / spouse if I change. I can't leave <them> alone; I have to be there for them.
7. Forgetting that you are an employee, not a slave.There's nothing I can do; they're in charge. My boss sucks and I'm stuck here. I hate my job; but I don't have time to look for a new one because I'm working so much.
8. Making happiness conditional. When I find the right job, I'll be happy. When I get my degree, I'll be happy. I'll be happy when... I have kids, the kids move out, I buy a house, I sell the house, I make a million dollars, and I lose weight. When my life is all settled and the conflicts have been resolved I'll be happy.
9. Blaming the gods. I'm not dedicated enough to my religion to deserve to be happy. God hates me (and you know this how?). Not having a healthy relationship with God / the Universe / Nature or a higher power.
10. Comparing. Other people are wealthier / more successful / better educated / more experienced than I am. They like her / him / them better.
11. Striving for Perfect. Always comparing to "perfection" standards. Tweaking and editing and improving, but never putting it out there. Being a perfectionist about Everything.
12. Playing the Blame Game. Blaming yourself. Blaming the past. Blaming others. Holding onto regrets/grudges (I can't ever be happy because XX happened to me). Dwelling on past failures.
13. Ignoring your physical needs. Not sleeping enough. Not listening to your body and working out. Being a huge hypochondriac. Working harder / not smarter. Eating crap and pretending you don't understand why you feel like crap.
14. Never setting boundaries. Leaving little or no time in your day to rest / meditate / be in nature. Saying "yes" to things you really don't want to do and / or not saying "no" often enough. Never pushing back so as to avoid conflict or hurting others' feelings.
15. Making it all or nothing. Thinking that your only options are sheer indulgence or total denial, e.g. it's either the entire cake or nothing - you can't just have one piece. You can't walk a 5K; you have to run the whole marathon.
16. Obsessing. Stressing out about things that are not in your control. Not giving yourself a break. Identifying only with your job / profession with no balance.
17. Cutting off connection. Shutting out people who can help you. Holding in emotions - not crying or yelling or venting, so no one ever knows you're troubled. Refusing to accept a compliment.
18. Giving up your Power. Tying your happiness to something outside your control - like sports or gambling. Compromising your values. Allowing others to treat you poorly. Not speaking up when something is wrong. Staying in a negative relationship.
19. Waiting for your situation to change, instead of changing your situation. Ignoring a small problem until it gets huge and explodes. Not initiating difficult conversations. Not taking care of you physically, emotionally, spiritually, and telling yourself, "I'll make it up later."

So, how many of these behaviors or thinking patterns feel like they show up in your world? If you checked off all 19**, Congratulations - you're human! Most of us engage in these patterns a little bit in life. You only need to focus on the few that resonated with you.

**If you checked off zero, you may be in denial (I'm just sayin'...).

DO NOT create a list of ten things you're going to change. That will overwhelm you. Just pick one or two areas where you want to change a behavior or outcome. Break your commitment into small, digestible chunks. For example, if #18 resonates for you and you commit to "Never say Yes to any request!" you'll fail quickly.

Instead, ask yourself, "what is a small step to which I can commit totally?" You might say, "I will say No to one request someone makes of me each week."

Remember that happiness is less a destination than a way to proceed on your journey. Changing any of the above behaviors will remove a self-imposed obstacle from your path.

Do this for you, not for anyone else. Happiness Principle #1 reads,

Become Positively Self-ish. When you take care of yourself first, you build a foundation for stronger relationships with others, increase capacity, and reduce doubt.

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The 13 Principles of Happiness offer many ideas for creating a more positive life. Download a copy today to inspire new thinking and generate conversation.

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My colleague Neera Menon, a coach based in the United Kingdom, is hosting a video summit on Happiness. This FREE video series begins August 12 and will feature me as one of the global experts on Happiness. The focus of my 30-minute interview is Happiness and Leadership in the workplace.

It's going to be an awesome series. Neera is a wonderful host. You can register here. (MoreHappiness subscribers will receive more info and reminders in August.)

In my interview I'm going to reveal a SPECIAL OFFER only available to listeners, and I know it's something you'll enjoy.

So be sure to register for the series, and mark your calendars especially for the day my interview airs!

P.S. I would LOVE to work with you to help you be a better leader - and I'll bet you'd love to get a 7:1 return on your next investment for professional development! To explore if coaching is the right move for you, visit TheExecutiveHappinessCoach.com

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Happy, engaged employees are good for an organization. Research from every conceivable angle consistently shows they are more creative, make better decisions, produce more at higher levels of quality and service, and bring more heart to their jobs.

As a bonus, happiness is contagious; it spreads like a virus that leads to deeper engagement and more positive workspace.

If you are - or work for - a boss who insists "we don't do emotion," here are some questions to provoke conversation that can lead to higher levels of engagement by improving the positive tone of your workplace.

• Can we identify the happy, engaged people that work here? (and how do their outcomes compare?)
• Do people enjoy their relationships and their environment at work?
• Do they laugh?
• Are people in roles that match their strength/skill sets and offer appropriate challenges?
• Do they understand the purpose of our organization?
• Do people here feel they're a part of something that matters?

If the answer is no to any of these questions, you don't have to look far to improve the situation. Simply use the questions above to consider how you can adjust the environment to bring more happiness in.

Create Connections. Lead Well. Be Happy.

Remember, Leadership is not about a title: Anyone can be a leader who understands the link between individual happiness and organizational outcomes, and who invests time and energy to help people feel connected and doing what they do best.

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Hi, I'm Jim Smith, PCC, The Executive Happiness Coach^®. I work with smart, successful people like you, who secretly struggle with what it truly means to lead well in a crazy busy world. I help you dramatically improve your effectiveness as a leader, balance your life, and build a more positive workplace culture.

Contact me to learn how you can create a less-stress, flexible leadership presence.

If you received this from a friend, SUBSCRIBE now to get your own copy in the future, plus you'll get a valuable leadership report!

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View past editions at http://www.TheExecutiveHappinessCoach.com/resources/archives/.

Copyright © 2013, All Rights Reserved. Reproduction for publication is encouraged, with the following attribution: "From HAPPINESS@THESPEEDOFLIFE, by Jim Smith, PCC, The Executive Happiness Coach®. For more tips on Leading with Less Stress, visit www.TheExecutiveHappinessCoach.com."

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