709 words of content plus a How-To video on 4 ways to reduce stress. Approximate reading time: 2.8 minutes; viewing time 3.09 minutes. And isn't your Happiness worth it?

Welcome to my e-newsletter, which focuses on defining and applying the Principles of Happiness and Positive Emotion in your life and work.

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1. Tolerating The Toilet from Hell
2. Are You Tolerating Less Than Your Best?
3. Who? What?

27 years ago we built a large addition to our house, which included a second bathroom for our then-growing family. Life was good.

The breakdowns started slowly. At first, it was an ever-so gradual sinking of the floor where the add-on connected to the original house. No big deal.

The shower stall leaked. Easily fixed with caulking.

A couple door frames warped. Got used to it.

The vanity dropped a half-inch from the wall. Stuck in a few shims.

The toilet started to tilt. Still worked, right?

Early this year the toilet tank started to leak, and no matter what we did or replaced, we'd hear it refilling frequently. Then began a growing issue with the toilet not quite flushing properly. We shifted into irritated mode.

Then we went on vacation for two weeks in July. We returned to a house with a pervasive mildewy smell... and a $500 water bill.

Over the next month we tweaked, attempted repairs.... and the Toilet from Hell (as we began to call it) just kept sinking and leaking and suddenly stopped flushing altogether - just as we welcomed six houseguests for a week. I was ready to explode - it was me or the toilet!

$4,000 and a tear-out later we have a newly leveled addition, new bathroom flooring and, for the first time in 20 years, a trouble-free toilet that does not tilt, leak, or fight back in any way. Good heavens, how did it come to this? Like so much in life, the tiny indignities had accumulated over decades, and it took a meltdown to wake us up to the fact that we were TOLERATING the things that were wrong about our addition.

Your capacity for handling "stuff" in your life is like a balloon. Little stressors in your life push a tiny bit of air into your balloon; big stressors are like a huge puff of it. You can handle each stressor individually, yet each one stretches your balloon just a bit more...and more...and more until you feel so stretched and thin that even a poke with a blunt object can cause you to burst.

Stressors can be tiny, like dirty dishes in the sink, a room that needs repainting, or those five pounds you added on your vacation; or they can be huge, like Mom losing her memory, dysfunction in a relationship, or unemployment.

You can tolerate a lot, but not all at once. Many times there's not much you can do about the big stuff, yet there's still a lot you can do to open up some space so you don't explode.

How do you increase the resilience of a balloon? You let out some air. Watch this 3-minute video to learn more about the four actions you can take to eliminate tolerations, reduce the stress in your life, and open more space for Happiness.

1. Do: Take action to remove the toleration. Have the conversation, change the behavior, remove the item, clean it, replace it, buy it, or whatever is required to remove it from your list.
2. Delegate:Turn to someone else to take the action, e.g. a child, partner, coworker, or contractor. Automate it or create a process to handle it (like setting up online payments).
3. Defer: When you do not have the time, resources, or energy to address the toleration now. On your calendar, set a time to perform a future action to eliminate the toleration. Then forget about it until it pops back onto your radar.
4. Dump: Give yourself permission to no longer consider the issue a toleration. Cross it off. Done. Let it go.

When your balloon of stress is nearly filled, you don't need to address the HUGE problems to feel better - choose a few you can control, get those off your tolerations list, and notice how - with that newly available capacity - you're able to handle the stuff you can't change with a bit more grace and calm.

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The 13 Principles of Happiness offers many ideas for reducing stress in your life through intentional action. Download a copy today to inspire new thinking and open new choices for you.

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One of my coaching clients is looking for a new job.The client's company is paying for coaching services while the client's boss is simultaneously doing everything he can to confuse, disconnect and disengage his staff.

The client did not intend to use coaching as a career change. Once I introduced language about boundaries and tolerations, however, the client realized the extent to which the current environment is toxic and actually working against performing at higher levels. It appears the one who needs coaching is the boss, who - sadly - appears to be blind to the consequences of his behavior.

A recent study led by the Center for Leadership Development found that "nearly 66 percent of CEOs do not receive coaching or leadership advice from outside consultants or coaches, while 100 percent stated they are receptive to making changes based on feedback."

Why the gap? Paradoxically, the absence of objective, outside perspective leaves that 66% in the dark about the fact that they NEED coaching or advice from an objective, outside resource!

So if you're reading this and thinking, "I'm fine, I don't need a coach..." notice that you may be living in your own blind spot. Do your direct reports agree with your assessment? More pointedly, have you created an environment in which they would feel safe telling you the truth?

If you are possibly a toleration to your team(s) or suspect you are delivering less than your best performance, you need to invest in coaching. To explore coaching - before you start losing good people - visit my website to schedule a no-obligation Leadership Strategy Session.

Create Connections. Lead Well. Be Happy.

Remember, Leadership is not about a title: Anyone can be a leader who is powerfully self-aware and courageous enough to seek feedback.

http://www.theexecutivehappinesscoach.com/coaching/executive-coaching/

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Hi, I'm Jim Smith, PCC, The Executive Happiness Coach^®. I work with smart, successful people like you, who secretly struggle with what it truly means to lead well in a crazy busy world. I help you dramatically improve your effectiveness as a leader, balance your life, and build a more positive workplace culture.

Contact me to explore how you can actually be effective AND Happy in your role. Really!

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Copyright © 2013, All Rights Reserved. Reproduction for publication is encouraged, with the following attribution: "From HAPPINESS@THESPEEDOFLIFE, by Jim Smith, PCC, The Executive Happiness Coach®. For more tips on Leading with Less Stress, visit www.TheExecutiveHappinessCoach.com."

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