Happiness@TheSpeedofLife: Life Lessons from a Happy Time Traveler

Published: Wed, 09/17/14



September 2014

Edition 118: Life Lessons from a Happy Time Traveler

1,113 words of content including Seven Life Lessons and a tip to improve Accountability at work. Approximate reading time: 4.45 minutes. And isn't your Happiness worth it?

This newsletter speaks to Leadership, Happiness, and Coaching in your life and work.

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IN THIS ISSUE
  1. Life Lessons from a Happy Time Traveler
  2. In The Workplace: When You See It, Say It
  3. The Executive Happiness Coach®

I. LIFE LESSONS FROM A HAPPY TIME TRAVELER

I recently viewed the delightful indie/Brit film "About Time." The lead character, Tim, is a 21-year old nerd who learns from his father that the males in his family can time travel. The director is the same as our favorite holiday movie - "Love, Actually" - and offers up a similar mix of quirkiness and reflections on the human condition.

Typical romantic comedy situations unfold as the lead experiments with his power, finding that going back in time to fix mistakes does not always turn out well. His voice-over narration offers wry observations on life, and in the final third of the movie he turns surprisingly philosophical (which is when I started taking notes).

Would you want the power to time travel?

I love movies that entertain AND challenge me to think, and "About Time" did both. Apparently time traveling always has consequences. And that's where the life lessons begin:

  1. Unintended Consequences are part of life. The lead meets his soul mate, Mary. He later time travels to help a friend fix a disastrous evening, and in the new Present he has missed meeting Mary. He realizes the two situations were mutually exclusive, so he must pursue a different path to win the heart of Mary (who in the new reality does not know him).

    Since we cannot be everywhere at once, we often must choose how we spend our time and attention, then let go of what might have been and implement a Plan B.
  2. Many things cannot be "fixed;" you have to let others live their own lives. In a poignant sequence, Tim travels back several years to prevent his beloved sister from making a stupid mistake. In the new Present she is happy and on a better path - but the tiny ripple he created has shifted something significant in his own life. So he returns and undoes the "fix," realizing that his sister has to live through her own consequences and make her own path.

    Just like real life, right? Other people don't always behave as WE want them to, but we have to allow them to make their own choices.
  3. You can't change history, but you can change what happened in your life. We can't physically travel back in time like Tim, but we do it in our heads all the time. When we reflect on or obsess about a past event, we are traveling back into that time. And when we edit our memories - which we do constantly - we are, in effect, manipulating past events so they show up differently in the Present. Sometimes we "remember" details in a new way to justify our subsequent actions; other times we "airbrush" our memories to pretty them up.

    There's nothing good or bad about this habit - it's just human. As long as you're doing it anyway, why not let go of past ugliness and choose to bring forward and savor the good?
  4. You can only time travel within your own life. This is the only space you have - so enjoy it fully
  5. Death and Sadness are as much a part of life as are birth and Happiness. Tim learns that his Dad is going to die, an inevitability that time travel cannot change.

    He comes to accept - as must we all - that life is a journey with a beginning, middle, and end. As the narrator observes, "Life went on, and we adjusted; to Kit Kat having a baby, to Dad being gone...."
  6. You can create "do-overs" even if you cannot travel in time. In a dramatic scene, Tim stumbles into a mess of his own making, and circumstances prevent him from going back to fix it. Yet things still work out and no one remembers the initial issue.

    You can do this for yourself, every day. Change the story in your head or let something go, reminding yourself that the past is, well, Past! It's no longer baggage if you let it go.
  7. Pay attention, on purpose. My favorite part of the movie occurs after Tim's dad declares he's going to share the Secret of Happiness (!):

    "First, live each day with all its stresses and pressures. Then, do it again, letting it unfold as before, but this time, Noticing."

    Tim explains this "secret" as we witness two quick versions of the same day: one where he numbly stumbles through life, the second where he's actively engaged.

    Eventually, he grows to realize that he need not repeat a day to fully experience it. Having nurtured his "noticing" and awareness skills, he begins to show up in his life the FIRST time, enjoying whatever happens; so he no longer needs to time travel.

    And isn't that the best lesson of all? You can do the same, every day. Just Pay Attention.

The narrator's final quote was a great reminder:

"All of us are traveling through time; the least we can do is make the most of the ride."

Do This For Yourself

Revisit Happiness Principle #9, Pay Attention. Download a copy of The 13 Principles of Happiness here, to post where you can see them daily. Take three minutes to view this video on Paying Attention. Just notice, for a day. Have fun!

 

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II. IN THE WORKPLACE: WHEN YOU SEE IT, SAY IT

In the past month I've spoken to a half dozen groups about Accountability. The framework I teach is built around loop-closing conversations and Paying Attention to what people are doing - or not doing.

Everyone who applies this framework reports that accountability and morale improve and, best of all, they feel less stressed about providing feedback to members of their team.

At the heart of Accountability is the reality that what people want from their manager, more than anything else, is attention. When you have frequent, tiny conversations to offer thanks or appreciation for work well done, you are sending a very powerful signal that what they do matters to you.

As a bonus, when you practice frequent conversations, you get a lot LOT better at them, as your feedback "muscles" get stronger. Since difficult (critical) feedback uses the same muscles, your discomfort decreases and you have them sooner. When critical steering is delivered more quickly, mistakes get corrected sooner, people don't as easily form bad habits, and you no longer have to worry and stress over the conversation you're avoiding

When you see something done well, say something. When you see something not done well, say something. You'll spend less of your day "time traveling" into the past and wishing you'd said something earlier - which will leave you and your team free to enjoy Today more fully.

Remember, Leadership is not about a title. Anyone can be a Leader who notices what the people around them are doing and offers sincere and timely feedback that appreciates their contributions and helps them get a little better every day.

 

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III. The Executive Happiness Coach®

Jim Smith, The Executive Happiness Coach(R) The Executive Happiness Coach® is a global provider of Executive Coaching and mentoring services. With clients on six continents, my passion is to help build a Happier world and workplace, one Leader at a time.

Contact me to create more Happiness, Leadership, and balance in your life.

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Happiness is a decision, not an event.
How will YOU decide today?
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