Happiness@TheSpeedofLife: What If You Embrace the Opposite?

Published: Wed, 12/17/14



December 2014

Edition 121: What If You Embrace the Opposite?

1,026 words of content including 11 ways to grow next year and your Annual Planning Kit. Approximate reading time: 4.1 minutes. And isn't your Happiness worth it?

This newsletter speaks to Leadership, Happiness, and Coaching in your life and work.

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In This Issue
  1. What If You Embrace the Opposite?
  2. This and That and Happiness
  3. The Executive Happiness Coach®

I. WHAT IF YOU EMBRACE THE OPPOSITE?

January is named for Janus, the Roman God of beginnings. With two faces looking backward and forward, his image was placed above doorways and places of transition.

Janus had the capacity to see multiple perspectives at once: forward/backward, inside/outside, even good/evil and the simplicity/complexity in any situation. As we arrive at another New Year, I invite you to give attention to, and embrace, both sides of the year past and to come.

Even if this past year felt insane, pause to remember also the moments of happiness and achievement. Then as you look ahead to next year, notice how your goals and obstacles are interwoven. In that lies your biggest challenge: to pursue your goals while embracing the opposite.

Embrace the Opposite for More Happiness and Better Results Next Year
  1. Happiness cannot exist without Sadness. If we did not experience moments of frustration, sadness, irritation.... why would we even care about feeling optimistic, content, or happy? It is the contrast between the 'down' and the 'up' emotions that makes the up so desirable.
  2. That which you most love is what's most getting in your way. Often your desire to keep safe what you value is what stops you from taking any action that might upset the status quo... yet if you don't shake things up, nothing will change.
  3. The thing you most do not want to do is often exactly what you must do. You can't get different results without doing the hard work of change. You want to improve your health? It won't happen unless you get your sleepy self out of bed an hour earlier to work out and/or sustain shifts in your shopping and eating habits. Want that promotion to a job requiring new skills? It will not happen until you actually read a book, seek out a mentor, or return to school for that degree. Just one step in the right direction will start to reduce your resistance.
  4. For every benefit in life, there is also a cost. Some people want only the upside, so they feel frustrated. Instead, make cost analysis part of your process. If you want more personal time, that time must be reallocated FROM somewhere. That big screen TV requires you defer something else, or discipline yourself to save, e.g. give up your daily Starbucks or take your lunch to work. When you embrace the tradeoff, you make better decisions.
  5. The greatest Dreams both inspire and terrify you. It's fabulous to dream big; just notice that some of the adrenalin rush you attribute to your Excitement is probably also fed by a low-grade Fear of leaping into the unknown. Embrace both emotions to maximize your Joy.
  6. The people you love most can harm you most deeply. To build deeper connections with others - whether loved ones or coworkers - you must to some degree open your heart and expose your real self. In that space, you are more vulnerable and you can be wounded or hurt. Yet if you don't open your heart, no one can ever get in.
  7. Every Yes is a No, and every No means Yes to something else. There's no such thing as a risk-free decision. You cannot be all things to all people and in all places. So every choice you make means you honor one direction and reject or let go of the other options. When you are fully conscious of this in little things (like which breakfast cereal you buy) you build more skill for when you must make big choices.
  8. The more Authentic you are, the more you risk people not liking you. Sure, you want to nurture your relationship skills so you can get along with people. But dare to be different, as well. Declare what you believe and hold the space for doing your own thing. If others choose to disagree with you, let it go. You can't make others happy, yet you increase the possibility of their "catching" happiness from you when you nurture yours, first.
  9. Whether your life is exciting or tedious, it's all your fault. If you're currently in a bad space, you may disagree; but first consider the companion argument: if you're the one that got you here, that means you also have the power to get out. (Disclaimer: if you're a kid, you can blame your parents. But if you're an adult, you can only look to the person in the mirror).
  10. Every stupid mistake you make can make you smarter. The upside of blundering about is that you will receive feedback on what you did wrong. If you pay attention, you can do better next time. Remember that nearly every story of "overnight success" begins with a chapter on the multiple failures that came first. We learn by falling down.
  11. Your comfort zone is the safest place for you - and the most dangerous. It feels so delicious to put on the warm blanket of familiarity when you've had a bad day. Yet there is a dark side to spending all your time in the familiar. A brain that stops learning risks earlier onset of disease. A body that's never stretched starts to fail sooner. A point of view that is never challenged risks becoming old and irrelevant. Whether your comfort zone is physical, intellectual, or emotional, step out of it occasionally to keep yourself flexible and alive.

As you approach the New Year, try standing in the space of Janus and embrace opposites. Notice that every day offers challenge AND opportunity. Every sunset closes a chapter in your life, while each dawn shines on the first day of the rest of your life.

Do This For Yourself

As usual, Cheryl and I will spend a day in early January reviewing our past year and planning the next. We talk about our relationship, family, travel plans, finances, and projects for the upcoming year and beyond, including our personal development.

To support your conversation for 2015, I invite you to employ the same tool we use: Jim Smith's Annual Planning Kit. Choose from the Individual or the Couple's version.

 

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II. THIS AND THAT

~Happy Holidays. Emphasis on the HAPPY!

I'm apolitical and non-denominational in my greetings. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or the Winter Solstice; whether you worship together, purchase together, or break bread together; and whether you decorate a menorah or a tree or dance wild beneath a tree... no matter. I wish you and your friends and family a time of joy and celebration and positive conversation.

And most especially a HAPPY new year.

~Lead Better in 2015

The most common challenge voiced by my executive clients is this: "I've been successful till now... AND things are shifting, and I need new skills to get better at Leading. I've got to develop skills I've never needed before - and FAST." Sound like the conversation in your head? Are you thinking about asking your company to invest in a coach for you in 2015? Go here to start the exploration.

~Press Room
  • Jim joined The Sound of Ideas for an entertaining and informative panel conversation on how to deal with interruptions that are created by people and technology.
  • Jim and the career of Coaching will be profiled in The Cleveland Plain Dealer's Sunday edition on 21-Dec. The article will help those interested in coaching to find the right training, resources, and experience to get started. Visit here Sunday, top of the second column (Top Jobs).

 

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III. The Executive Happiness Coach®

Jim Smith, The Executive Happiness Coach(R) The Executive Happiness Coach® is a global provider of Executive Coaching and mentoring services. With clients on six continents, my passion is to help build a Happier world and workplace, one Leader at a time.

Contact me to create more Happiness, Leadership, and balance in your life.

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View past editions at http://www.TheExecutiveHappinessCoach.com/resources/archives/.

 
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Happiness is a decision, not an event.
How will YOU decide today?
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