966 words of content including 8 ways you are invisible to yourself, plus a bonus post on Grief. Approximate reading time: 3.86 minutes. And isn't your Happiness worth it?

This newsletter speaks to Leadership, Happiness, and Coaching in your life and work.

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1. Challenge Your Habits; Discover New Possibilities
2. BlogPost: What To Do When Someone You Love is Grieving
3. The Executive Happiness Coach®

I spent July on holiday. Early in the month we joined our extended family on the North Carolina coast, where we enjoyed a relaxed and barefoot beach lifestyle. After just two days back home, we got on a plane and headed to Japan for a couple weeks.

During much of that time I remained off the grid, citing the 13-hour time difference and a desire to focus on family time and the adventure of travel.

Because I gave myself the “gifts” of disconnection and immersion in a foreign culture, I discovered all sorts of habits and patterns that had been invisible to me. I came back to my Reality with a great deal more openness to different ideas and points of view.

1. You don’t always have to be “on.” For the entire trip – and for a few days of jet lag recovery after our return – my Away-from-Office message said I was off the grid. And except for occasionally checking what my admin had placed in the Urgent folder, I honored that. Amazingly, the world kept spinning!
2. You are not the center of The Universe. All of us struggled with balancing the sleep/wake cycle (13 hour time shift is brutal!). It was a great reminder that, for all that we talk about a 24/7, “always on” economy, there is always some place in the world where people are waking or sleeping or working or on holiday in a way that is DIFFERENT from where you are.
3. You are always communicating something. We stayed in apartments in neighborhoods via AirBnB & Flipkey, so we were totally immersed in the culture, not the “touristy” areas or hotels where everyone speaks English. We had to let go of spoken language. Yet we were always able to find our way, via gestures, eye contact, smiles…and a lot of bowing.
4. Your Cultural Filters affect your World View. In the US, we get all excited when anything approaches the century mark. My friends in Europe and Asia always smile in amusement and call us a “baby country.” I usually scoff.
   
   Well….while in Kyoto we attended the Gion Matsuri, a festival that has its roots in 869. The parade we attended has been happening annually since 970 (yes, you read that correctly – 1,045 years). We visited shrines that pre-date the Renaissance and stayed in a house that is older than the United States. I have a much deeper appreciation for ancient culture, now!
5. You need your Personal Space. We took public transportation everywhere, and were at first stunned at how “rude” people were being, pushing and shoving us into tiny spaces. We quickly formed an entirely new definition of personal space, especially on rush-hour trains. In Japan, there's always room for one – or ten! – more before the doors close.
6. Your personal “radar” is really a complex dance. Imagine yourself walking thru crowds of people at high speed. Over and again you avoid collisions with others, often by millimeters, as your system unconsciously makes hundreds of tiny decisions and subtle shifts to move you safely through the crowd. Got that image?
   
   Now, place yourself in a crowd ten times denser, only everyone there drives and walks on the OPPOSITE side of the road. Bang! Crash! Every time I would subconsciously go right, the oncoming persons went left. Not pretty. I had to intentionally re-program myself to shift left, the OPPOSITE of my instinct.
   
   Funny story – when I returned to the US, it took another week to consciously UNlearn and RElearn how to walk in crowds. It’s something you never think about!
7. You Like what you Like. A consequence of staying in neighborhoods was no “American” food – only Japanese. We had to let go of finding what we wanted, instead adapting to what we could find. One day we purchased what we thought were chocolate-filled waffles; turns out the filling was sweetened bean paste. Adapt. That dish that looks like a salad? It’s seaweed – adapt. Looks like candied bacon, but it’s barbequed eel – adapt! My fave discovery – I thought it was dried fruit, but it was fermented plum. Yum, actually!
   
   Some adaptations were hard, some easy, but I was a very happy camper the day I got back to the US and got a properly brewed HOT espresso (cold BLACK is the rage in Japan)

8. You get “used to” whatever shows up. While we admired the antiquity and history, Japan is a very vibrant and technologically advanced country. We did public transport everywhere – their trains and stations are immaculate, always on time, and packed with people using smart phones in ways I’ve never seen in the US.
   
   And we experienced phenomenal levels of service everywhere; from store clerks to bus drivers to random strangers, people were unfailingly polite, attentive, and helpful. (Sadly, this disappeared when we landed back in the US, where we have become used to callous treatment from un-civil servants – sigh!)

Find ways to notice your current habits, whether by travel to a new culture or simply by changing a pattern on purpose: alter the path you walk/drive, join a new group, sample a new dish, or even brush your teeth with the other hand.

This is what I strive to do for my clients and tribe members – challenge them to be more Aware of how they are thinking and behaving. Habit and patterns are SUBconscious – we run those programs on autopilot.

Awareness shifts you to a place of Choice, where you can ask, “Is this working for me?” “Do I want to change?” and if yes, “What outcomes would I rather be creating for myself?” From there you can explore other possibilities and design new habits for the future (see flowchart, The Coaching Journey).

Remember, Leadership is not about a title: Anyone can be a Leader who encourages self-awareness in self and others, is willing to challenge the status quo, and who will explore new and more effective patterns of thinking, feeling, and behavior.

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A coaching client recently lost a dear aunt to cancer. “She was like a mom to me,” he explained. A day after our last meeting, he wrote to ask for some help.

“Hey, Jim, I was talking with my cousin today. He said that his dad isn't doing well with his wife passing. He cries every time on the phone. Any advice on what to say to him or what to do for him to ease the pain? I appreciate any help you might offer!”

After a brief email exchange, this is part of what I eventually shared with him, which he said was very helpful. If you or someone you love is in pain, I hope this might help you in supporting them and creating a space for their Grief.

Read full message here.

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The Executive Happiness Coach® is a global provider of Executive Coaching and mentoring services. With clients on six continents, my passion is to help build a Happier world and workplace, one Leader at a time.

Contact me to create more Happiness, Leadership, and balance in your life.

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Copyright © 2015, All Rights Reserved. Reproduction for publication is encouraged, with the following attribution:
"From HAPPINESS@TheSPEEDofLIFE, by Jim Smith, PCC, The Executive Happiness Coach®. For more tips on Leading with Happiness, visit www.TheExecutiveHappinessCoach.com."

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