1,101 words of content including 29 tips to magically shift others. Approximate reading time: 4.40 minutes. And isn't your Happiness worth it?

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1. 23 Ways To Magically Change Other People
2. In The Workplace: Six Magic Tricks For Your Leadership Toolbox
3. The Executive Happiness Coach®

While researching for a speech I’m writing, I came across an article entitled: How To Make People Friendlier. "Humbug," I thought. After all, one of my mantras is "You can't change other people, you can only change you."

I was right about the article, which turned out to be a blog post by a jeweler. Yes, I guess diamond bracelets do turn up the “Friendly Index” a tad. I moved on, feeling smug.

Shortly thereafter, however, my assurance about the truth of my mantra was challenged as I watched my newest grandson exercise his power to do exactly that: change other people. Despite being only a couple weeks old, he can stop a conversation, cause other people to rearrange their priorities, or shift the mood of the room.

He got me thinking of how many times I’ve seen that happen, and about the many ways you can change others as a result of your own action.

1. Make eye contact. I recently heard Richard Gere reflect on the experience of living as a homeless person as preparation for an upcoming movie role. He was most affected by the lack of eye contact; he says people looked at him as though he was not there, just “a black void.” Look into someone else’s eyes and you acknowledge their humanity.
2. Greet people with “Good Morning,” or “Good Afternoon,” instead of “Hello.”
3. Ask if you can help with anything.
4. Hold the door open and as they pass say, “Have a great day!”
5. Compliment something they are wearing. “That color looks really good on you!” is a terrific mood shifter.
6. Ask about their weekend. Be curious (and don’t talk about yours)
7. Pay for someone’s item ahead of them in line. We were in Trader Joe’s with an overloaded cart, and the woman behind us had one item. My wife waved her ahead then said to the cashier, “just add it to our bill.” The woman beamed, I felt proud of her, and the cashier smiled and said to my wife, “that was so nice of you!” Four people felt uplifted.
8. Offer up your seat on public transportation. While we were in Japan with my 7½ months pregnant daughter, we never entered a crowded train/bus/tram without someone leaping up to offer their seat. And every time, we all smiled.
9. Call someone by his or her name. Service providers often wear nametags, yet get used to “hey, you.” Be different.
10. Give away a hug. Heart to heart: Human
    Understanding Given.
11. Wave someone to go ahead of you in traffic. Yes, even if you’re in a hurry.
12. While waiting in a long line, strike up a conversation with the people around you. Time will move faster (plus you never know when a new friend may emerge).
13. Love someone, unconditionally. I’m not talking about your significant other. Maybe your coworker or someone you find irritating. Love them instead, and watch what happens.
14. Ask someone for advice. Then say, “thank you.”
15. Shake hands with both hands; lay your left hand on top of theirs in a warm grasp.
16. Initiate conversation with the person whose locker is next to yours. Strangers are no longer strangers once you exchange names.
17. Volunteer to work the registration table at your next meeting. Or be the door greeter.
18. Wish people a Happy holiday – even if it’s one you don’t personally celebrate. (Shanah Tovah to all my Jewish friends!)
19. Ask someone about their kids. Or their cat. Or whatever they have a picture of on their desk.
20. When you see someone standing alone, introduce yourself.
21. Ask someone about what they’re reading. Book, newspaper, or magazine, there’s something there to share.
22. Tell someone in crisis that you will pray for them.
23. Smile! People are mirrors and will smile back; smiling evokes positive emotions that ripple across all levels and cultures.

On a fundamental level my mantra is still true – you really can’t change other people’s personality or values or whether they like shellfish or think Donald Trump is smarter than a fifth grader.

But in the moment, you possess the power to cause other people to upshift their attitude, change their mind, consider a different point of view or even, for a tiny moment, feel better about themselves and the world.

And that’s Magical!

Disclaimer: Please note that same super power can be used to bruise someone’s confidence, poison their attitude, or crush their spirit. Use your power for good, not evil.

Don’t get overwhelmed. Just pick one or two from the list and experiment. Abracadabra!

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Do you find yourself “stuck” working with glum, unmotivated people? It doesn’t have to be that way. In every interaction there is both an intellectual as well as an emotional component, and the person with the strongest emotional field will usually push their mood onto others.

You might be the most creative, productive, or powerful person in the room, but no one will care unless they believe you care. Here are seven ways you can create a more positive conversation AND demonstrate you care.

1. Notice something someone did that was right, good, new, or improved. Have a one-minute conversation about it.
2. When you offer feedback, use the acronym STS; be: Specific – share your observation of what they did or did not do. Timely – offer the feedback as soon as possible, especially if it’s about a mistake (else how can they correct their course?). Sincere – whether your feedback is appreciative or critical, offer it in the context of helping them learn and grow.
3. Listen. Notice that much of the time people don’t need you to “fix” something as much as they need to talk it out and realize they already know what to do. Just nod and say, “uh-huh.”
4. Make it personal. Ask something about their life. What will they do/what did they do on the weekend? Personal connection is powerful.
5. Let someone else run (at least a portion of) the meeting. Actually, let go of just about anything and you’ll learn that, if that “thing” really needed to be done, there’s someone else who can do it well and will consider it a growth opportunity.
6. Ask, “What do you think?” Then pay attention.

Remember, Leadership is not about a title: Anyone can be a Leader who cares about others as human beings and strives to create positive, constructive conversations.

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The Executive Happiness Coach® is a global provider of Executive Coaching and mentoring services. With clients on six continents, my passion is to help build a Happier world and workplace, one Leader at a time.

Contact me to create more Happiness, Leadership, and balance in your life.

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Copyright © 2015, All Rights Reserved. Reproduction for publication is encouraged, with the following attribution:
"From HAPPINESS@TheSPEEDofLIFE, by Jim Smith, PCC, The Executive Happiness Coach®. For more tips on Leading with Happiness, visit www.TheExecutiveHappinessCoach.com."

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