Happiness@TheSpeedofLife: Do You Know How Wonderful You Are?
Published: Fri, 04/22/16
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Edition 137: Do You Know How Wonderful You Are?
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1,181 words of content including a tool for self-appreciation and a leadership reminder. Approximate reading time: 4.72 minutes. And isn't your Happiness worth it? This newsletter speaks to Leadership, Happiness, and Coaching in your life and work. If you received this from a friend, SUBSCRIBE now to get your own copy in the future. |
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 I begin this month’s essay with a personal story When I graduated from college, I ended eight years of competitive swimming and became a slug. I returned to school for my graduate degree and for several years lived on granola bars, fast food, and little sleep. I gained weight, and my blood pressure & cholesterol were way too high for a person my age. The day I turned in my Masters thesis and ended my academic career, I collapsed at work and scared the hell out of a lot of people. A few months later, after multiple attacks, I found myself hanging out in the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit at the Cleveland Clinic while doctors tried to figure out what to do with a 28-year-old “kid” suffering from heart problems normally associated with old fat guys in their 50s. Age 28 Was a Scary Birthday
After years on heavy doses of heart medications, medical science made my problem go away. But in those seven years, I lived every day facing my own mortality and questioning every decision I made regarding self-care. By the time I was cured, I had placed myself on a new trajectory around fitness and nutrition that continues to this day. I vowed that I would never let myself get to the same place that triggered my heart problems. Around the time as I had my first heart attack, my boss sent me to a Franklin Planner seminar that introduced me to the concept of Life Vision and setting intentions. In the context of my health challenges, I declared an audacious physical goal: ”I wear the same size suit at age 60 as I did at age 22.”** **Side note on goal writing: this is why I insist clients write goals in Present tense. A goal that is NOW feels far more compelling than “I will try…” Fast-forward 20 years
Near my 50th birthday my oldest daughter introduced me to yoga when she dragged me to a beginners workshop. She later dropped the practice, but I kept going. Daily practice improved my balance, flexibility, mindfulness, and self-awareness. At the same time, my competitive nature drove me to master increasingly more difficult poses, or asanas. I envied the ease with which many of my instructors and classmates could stand on their head or do a Handstand. I declared that by my 60th birthday I would be able to pop into a Handstand in the middle of a room without support. Fast Forward 10 More Years
Despite practicing 5 to 6 times a week, I could not lose my fear of falling. As my 60th birthday approached, my negative self-talk grew ever louder. “What a loser. You've been working at this for eight years, and you still can't do it!” On top of being a little depressed, I became embarrassed to speak to my friends, so many of whom knew about my goal. How could I admit my inadequacy? Then, Reality TV saved me from myself. I was watching Dancing With The Stars with my wife, when they aired a montage of clips showing a contestant who uses Handstand to help herself get out of stress — popping her legs up over her head…against a wall. And I thought "wow, that's pretty impressive.” That's when it hit me: “I can do that! Why am I beating myself up?!” We Are Human — This is What We Do
Have you had a similar experience of self-deprecation? It is such a human thing to focus on what's wrong or on what you should fear. Shame and anxiety and impatience with self keep you appropriately focused on the “improvements” you need to make to be successful in the world. But once you are good enough, continued self-criticism only breaks you down. If every day you beat yourself up, after a while you become so skilled you don't even notice you're doing it! Yes, the executive happiness coach had fallen into a negative habit. Be Grateful for What You CAN DO
The next morning I opened my journal and wrote, “Hello, my name is Jim, and I took the poison of Perfectionism. I have nurtured the skill of noticing only my flaws.” The antidote to that poison is to more deeply appreciate your positive attributes and accomplishments. This is not denial. It’s simply acknowledging you can't do everything. No one can. That’s what makes the world such an interesting place. Do This For Yourself
Create – or add to – a list of what you CAN do and what makes you AMAZING. I encourage you to do this exercise when you notice your negative self-talk getting out of hand. Simple, yet not easy. I get it. So to help you get inspired, here’s a small sampling from the list I started last week: What Makes Me Great, Amazing, Fabulous, and ME?
Then there’s that yoga thing. I cannot (yet) do Handstand in the middle of a room. What I CAN do after a decade of yoga is every pose that’s pictured in the graphic at the top of this article – I can balance on my arms, stand on my head or shoulders, and lay my hands flat on the floor while standing. And I CAN do a Handstand, as long as I’ve got a wall behind me. What CAN you do? What makes you AMAZING? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The 13 Principles of Happiness will support you to live a more AMAZING life and to Pay Attention to what you CAN do. Download a copy today and post it on your cubicle wall or fridge at home. Think happy.
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I recently read an article that spoke to the future of management where Humans really are treated as Resources. In that it’s-here-already future, a minimum 20 to 30% of every manager’s job should be spent coaching and developing the members of their team. Note I said “coaching and developing” versus criticizing. While there are still millions of supervisors in the world who believe their job is to leverage power and control and continually remind employees of their deficiencies, the evidence to support strength-based leadership as a better strategy is pretty overwhelming. Positive-focused feedback, balanced with critical/corrective feedback, given early and often, creates a more engaged workforce and a more positive workplace. Remember, Leadership is not about a title: anyone can be a leader who helps others grow and leverage what makes them amazing.
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Want more Happiness, Leadership, and Coaching conversations in your life? Contact me today. If you received this from a friend, SUBSCRIBE now to get your own copy in the future, and get a valuable leadership report! All things Happiness Coach:      View past editions at http://www.TheExecutiveHappinessCoach.com/resources/archives/. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Happiness is a decision, not an event.
How will YOU decide today?
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The Executive Happiness Coach® is a global provider of Executive Coaching and mentoring services. With clients in 27 countries and six continents, my passion is to help build a Happier world and workplace, one Leader at a time.