1,270 words of content including 8 Lessons from building a house, 10 pictures, and a reminder that it’s never too early to build life skills to support future Happiness. Approximate reading time: 5.08 minutes. And isn't your Happiness worth it?

This newsletter speaks to Leadership, Happiness, and Coaching in your life and work.

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1. What Happens to Happiness When Everything Changes?
2. The Executive Happiness Coach®

I’m living a double life right now. No, I’m not a foreign spy. I’m pretending that “everything is normal” when in fact my life is like a tornado.

We have officially begun the process of Moving, one of the Big 5 Life Stressors. We’re closing down the home we’ve occupied for 37 years to move to a new one we started building last November. AND we are combining households with my daughter and son-in-law, into a multi-generational home we’ve designed to hold them, us, and three grandkids. AND we’ll be shifting from a 1/10th acre suburban plot to six acres full of trees and meadows and mud and a pond. With frogs.

AND the construction is behind schedule (surprise!) but one of our two houses sold, so last week the five of them moved into our house. With boxes piled everywhere, we are quite “cozy” as we negotiate ways to survive the next eight weeks living in half the space, while working to combine our finances and grocery lists and juggle cars in the driveway.

AND since I serve as project manager for our new house, every day presents a new challenge. The basement floods when someone unplugs the temporary power line. The water department demands we dig a new line. The sink we ordered does not fit the space. The city failed us on the inspection. The flooring we ordered six months ago is now out of stock.

I could be going insane right now.

You might be thinking, “WTF, Jim! Why should I care about your stuff? I have enough of my own to deal with!?” So true. What’s my point?

I’m sharing my story this month for two reasons: one, because the people who know me well keep asking, “when are you going to share?”; and two, I like to occasionally remind people that I don’t just work with Happiness and Leadership as academic principles – I live them, and it’s at crunch times like I’m in now that I most fully believe that “this stuff really works!”

Plus, I’m a coach, and as such I fully believe that you are all whole, creative, and wise, and I trust that whatever learning is here for you, you’ll find on your own as you read.

So… I am in a major life transition. Stress is high in all domains of my life – business, personal relationships, home, leisure time. It’s been months since I had real down time, even on vacation, when I was texting from the beach about granite and carpentry issues.

A core concept that I teach, preach, and live is Practice. If you want to develop stronger (fill in the blank) you must regularly work the "muscle" associated with that strength.

But that’s not what most people do. They want to give a great presentation, yet wait till they’re on stage to look at the material. They floss like heck the night before, hoping the dentist won’t notice their swollen gums. They wait till they are in crisis, then try to apply those stress class tips. Big fail.

In a way, I started preparing for this transition a decade ago, when I began my practices around gratitude, happiness, and calm centeredness. So every time there’s a breakdown, every time I feel that little tingle of panic or stress, I just keep breathing deeply, honoring my self-care routines, and taking things one step at a time.

And it’s all good.

You know those shows where the people evacuate their house for a week and when they come back it’s completely rebuilt or remodeled? That’s totally NOT the real experience of building a new home. It’s WAAAAY slower and fraught with breakdowns at every turn. The detail work is mind-blowing.

On the upside, there are many opportunities to be creative. And at least once a week there’s a new twist that requires I/We change direction or shift something, in-the-moment, to keep the project moving.

Here’s a peek behind the scenes at some highlights and Eight Lessons for Building a House:

1. Communication is Critical. We are a team of four adults, with four careers, in two households, with small children in the mix. We learned early on that the only way we’d succeed was to share EVERYTHING we know. No matter who receives a piece of information, that person immediately shares with the team. We are almost always on the same page when we need to make decisions, and that’s made a huge difference in the project’s success.
2. Keep the End Goal in Mind. Cheryl and I said “yes” to the idea of moving into a multi-generational home, so whenever I get a bit stressed I remind myself of one of the benefits of this move: I get to spend a lot more time with these three munchkins!

3. Designing an Environment from Scratch is Fun! Happiness Principle #8 is “Stimulate Your Development. Surround yourself with environments and people that continually challenge you, energize you, and literally pull you forward. Have adventures.” Although the transition is stressful, I am super excited about what new colors, textures, spaces, and light will do for my creativity and well being.
4. Trust the Process, Trust the People. Our Project Manager told us at our first meeting, “you may like me now, but I promise you that before we are done, we will be screaming at each other.” Yep, that happened. But by then we’d learned that we all had the same goal: to build a beautiful new home, the right way. Once the yelling was done, we took a deep breath and moved forward.
5. It is WAY Cool to See Vision Become Reality. We began with a sketch on the wall and a skilled architect turned it into construction prints, which skilled contractors turned into three dimensions.

6. Apply the skill of Listening. Every time there’s a breakdown or a mini crisis, it’s important to listen for explanations and options. If something can’t work, I can rail against the system or simply ask, “OK, what are our options?” There’s always a way forward, even if it’s not the one we originally designed.
7. An Element of Play Keeps Things Interesting. When we were unable to convey our vision to the architect, Cheryl and I dug through buckets of Legos to construct a primitive version of the central stairwell. I can’t tell you how exciting it was two weeks ago when the railings went up and we realized the Legos worked!

8. Patience is a Virtue, Which Must Be Practiced Daily. We were supposed to break ground spring 2015 and move by Christmas last year. In the end, we broke ground the week before Thanksgiving 2015, and we hope to move by September 1. Once the process began, we’ve been able to track progress every week. It’s never fast enough, but in the rearview mirror it’s pretty amazing. See the collage at the start of this essay.

So what happens to Happiness when everything changes? It just keeps evolving. Under stress, it sometimes goes into hiding. And in the end, it’s important to remember that Happiness is the journey, not the destination. There will always be a “something next” to do, there will always be a breakdown around the corner. Happiness can be the response to the breakdown, as long as you choose it.

Finally, for those who read this at work and are wondering about an application:

Remember, Leadership is not about a title; anyone can be a Leader who shares a Vision, Communicates constantly, and Listens well.

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The 13 Principles of Happiness will remind you, every day, of things you can start, stop, and do more of to live a healthier, happier life. Download a copy today and post it on your cubicle wall or fridge at home. Think happy.

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The Executive Happiness Coach® is a global provider of Executive Coaching and mentoring services. With clients in 27 countries and six continents, my passion is to help build a Happier world and workplace, one Leader at a time.

Want more Happiness, Leadership, and Coaching conversations in your life? Contact me today.

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Copyright © 2016, All Rights Reserved. Reproduction for publication is encouraged, with the following attribution:
"From HAPPINESS@TheSPEEDofLIFE, by Jim Smith, PCC, The Executive Happiness Coach®. For more tips on Leading with Happiness, visit www.TheExecutiveHappinessCoach.com."

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