Your Beliefs are a Choice

If you’ve been reading my work for a while, you’ve probably guessed why this client’s responses resonated so powerfully with me — because he keeps referring to choice.  Someone who chooses this versus that will have a different experience.  Being a victim is a lot less work of course, because it’s easier to blame others than to do the hard work.  Yet choosing victimhood means the chooser “will often find themselves distant from happiness.”

I was also impressed with how universal his writing feels. Opposite side of the world, very different culture, yet the truths he speaks could belong to any of us.  The search for happiness is a human search.

Our correspondence eventually turned to how he lives out his beliefs about happiness.  And of course that’s the challenge we all face — what will we DO to build the new “muscles” we need to live our choices?  Thus the final question:

Question 2: What practice or practices would you ideally like to have in your life that you do not have today?

His response: “The most obvious one would be an exercise and health regime. I used to be an excellent athlete back in high school and college days, so I know what it takes to get fit, or get healthy.

Which brings me to a conclusion here.

Jim, I think I really struggle between the gap of knowing and doing.

I have worked with or coached many people on how to win or succeed in life. I have also worked with people on happiness, relationships, success...etc. and honestly, I'm quite good at it.

Chinese people have an interesting saying that maybe best sums it all: "I can take others across the river, but somehow, just not myself".

I know many of these answers; I can even help many people to apply these answers. However, I'm stuck on what I preach not always showing up in my own life.”

How many of you might have penned that last line yourself?  You’re great at advice, at helping others advance; yet you can’t do it for yourself?  You can offer feedback to your team, but you don’t always follow your own counsel? You can see others’ flaws quite clearly, yet not your own?

P.S. That’s one reason why the coaching profession exists – to support people on their journey -- because “If you could do it yourself, it would already be done!”

Do This For Yourself

Create your own coach.  Select a behavior or habit you seek to change so that what you DO better aligns with what you BELIEVE.  Write it down.

Then seek out a friend, colleague, family member, boss, or even a coworker or neighbor you don’t know very well and ask, “Will you help me?  All I need you to do is be a witness, as I declare a commitment to myself.  Then once a week, ask me how I’m doing with my commitment. That’s it.”

A coaching relationship exists when you ask for support and another human being says, “yes, I will.”  You still have to do the work, of course.  But having to hold yourself accountable to a witness each week will increase your awareness about your choices.  

Remember: Leadership is not about a title.  Anyone can be a leader who supports others in making better choices then building the new skills and habits to live into those choices!